The good and constructive confidant that I am to my close friends, this week my friend Joan once again came calling with another emotional problem. But she only shared with me a bit too late, what another good friend of mine would call the case of someone asking you to help them cover the milk pot when a million flies have already fallen in it. So, I have thought to shar the aice I would have given her had she come in time.
Though Joan is a married woman, I am still one of her foremost confidants on all things. On Saturday evening, she called asking to meet so I could aise on “a very critical issue”. When we met she was evidently very confounded and disillusioned and clueless on what to do next. She did not wait a second to inform me she had proved it beyond all doubt that her husband was cheating on her with a younger university girl.
She expounded that after long suspecting her husband to be cheating, in May she hired a spy to trail him to prove or disprove her suspicions. Now, she had just been to Kikoni where the spy had summoned her to a hostel to see her husband walk into the campuser’s room.
I went ahead to console Joan and urge her to forgive and forget and start her relationship with her husband all over again. But I also told her that on my side it would have been much better if she had consulted me before ever hiring someone to trail her beau. I divulged to her that I would have aised her to shelve the plans. I even cautioned her never to dare look into what he does when he is away from her.
We had a small argument as she rubbished my could-have-been aice, which is certainly what I should expect from any wife who is yet to accept that investigating a husband’s fidelity is needless.
But when she consulted a professional counsellor the following day, he gave her the same aice. He added that in case the husband ever acts so carelessly as to leave traces of his infidelity in her face, she should just tell him to always keep the leads to his sins away from her.
After she informed me of the counsellor’s aice on phone, Joan commended me for consistently having opinions that make sense even as they may seem unpalatable at first. Which is what spurred me to openly give the same aic to whoever was planning to trail –or investigate in any other way– her husband for proof of his faithfulness or lack of it.
I am not implying that all men are cheats, or that they should be encouraged to cheat, or that they should be left to cheat as they want. No. But the truth of the matter is that if yours cheats, not knowing is far better than suffering a heart attack or crushing your relationship because you got to know –worse because you needlessly investigated the bones buried under your house yet they had no impact on your life before you dug them out.
I used to say that rather than put her husband or boyfriend’s fidelity on the weighing scale, a woman is better off putting that of her brother or father or uncle. But, somehow, I have come to realise that that also has its own problems. Now, I aise all women that the only men whose fidelity they should investigate are those so far from their real lives – favourite actors, music stars and footballers.