Oops! Crazy beauty deals

I wonder how a doctor can make money nowadays. Everywhere you go, we have self-taught practitioners of the healing arts, who swear by all things natural and herbal. I hear some have even stopped using toothpaste altogether and reverted to chewing sticks made from certain tree barks with medicinal values (Ha ha! Who has that much time in the morning? Not to mention spending the whole day annoying people by spitting out tree-bark remains.)

Should you be the victim of a riot of pimples on your face, you will get an earful of conflicting aice. “Use shea butter”, some will say. “Try milking jelly for cows,” others will aise, as if somebody is going to come and milk your face. “Nyabo you stop eating Blue Band!” Your beautician will chide you as you go to get your eyebrows shaped. Now that particular remark has me wondering if there is a breed of people out there who go to the shop and buy a tin of the oily stuff, then lock themselves in their homes and proceed to dish it out generously on a plate. What is Blue Band accompanied with, I wonder? Do you serve it with a nice steaming lump of posho on the side? Do you prepare a plate of nakati to go with it? Is the Blue Band served as is, or do you sprinkle a dash of black pepper here and there over the yellow mass before proceeding to dig in with gusto I just don’t know.

Well I just wanted to share with you the most ridiculous solution I ever did hear for pimples. Are you ready? Okay, here it is: Apply your own urine on your face. Not cow, goat, sheep, camel, cat, mongoose or even (heaven knows how this would be gathered) elephant urine. Now just how do you go about explaining to your friends and workmates that no, you have not converted to other religions but the reason you are lugging a clear plastic bottle to the toilet with you is wellis your face.

I’ll stick with my acne, thank you.