It is common for couples to promise themselves heaven and earth when they have just met. They swear to love each other until Lake Victoria dries up.
But when the time for holy vows comes for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, many fail. The woman will say, “to hell with this poor or sick man”, and the man will say, “I cannot stand a barren woman”.
The promises they made at the altar are soon thrown out of the window. A wedding is not all about the expensive gown, suit, cake, hair style and the honeymoon treat. It is a key to a new institution comprising of two people. A third party can only come in when things go wrong. But who the third party is also matters.
Over time I have come to believe that all newly-married couples should have a mentor couple a successful couple that has not only spent years together, but also lived an exemplary life. These are meant to guide you where things seem hard.
This mentorship will help give support, encouragement, and aice to couples, coming from couples who are more experienced in the field.
Normally mentors are trained and are always motivated and excited to help couples grow through the challenges of marriage. They are trained to recognise the needs and recommend professional counselling where needed.
When I visited my grandmother recently, she shared her 60-year journey of marriage. Listening to her, I thought to myself that there were things that applied then that could not now. But looking at how happy she has been, I knew that for sure no words could be wiser.
I understand it might sometimes be hard for people to adopt something, but for the good of the relationship, we have to always be flexible.
One thing that stuck with me is that it is never wise to go out to the public and announce how all hell has broken loose in your marital home. It shall not yield anything. Fine, you may gain sympathy, but that is nothing.
Do not be like a woman I saw on TV a while back, who was accusing her husband of refusing to buy bed sheets yet he wets the bed. This woman shouted at the top of her voice, drawing the attention of the neighbours.
The other was a man who climbed a pastor’s fence claiming that the man of God had an affair with his wife, so he should refund him all the money he had wasted on this woman. In response, the woman shouted, “nze nakuvako nga tomalako” simply telling the crowd that her husband was not man enough.
But why would anyone spend months with someone if they knew of their weakness? I guess by the time a person decides to settle with someone, you have accepted who they are and are ready to deal with all that comes with them.
If you are preparing for marriage, or you are newlyweds, or you feel that your marriage could be enriched, look up for known couples. It could be relatives, friends, neighbours, workmates or church colleagues – people you look up to and admire. Marriage is supposed to be blissful, and it is upon us to make our bed of roses.
SOURCE: Daily Monitor