City Dude – Discovering Kampala’s Hidden Beauties

Recently, I was in Bujumbura and I was educated that the pretty girls come out at night.

They are like vampires. The city may seem dead during daylight but it comes alive when the sun goes down. The same can be said of Kampala. The only difference is this town has so many hotties that even during the day they have no option but to come out and hustle in order to afford the latest iPhone.

See, girls in this town ‘crave’ iPods, iPads and iPhones, only if they have Mr ‘iPaid.’ With no money to pay for her cravings, she has to do what she has to do to sort out her cravings. Wabula, you girls can crave! This one got pregnant and craved the logbook of her boyfriend’s car, his ATM card, the PIN number, plus passwords for all his social media accounts. Really?

Last weekend, I too craved some quality time outdoors. So, I grabbed my camera, fired the bike and headed for the seventh edition of Blankets and Wine. For the uninitiated, the event is all about carrying your mat, fold chair or Maasai shuka (basically anything you can sit on), carrying a bottle of your favourite ‘poison’ and paying Shs 60,000 to enter the chosen gardens.

The 60k pays the DJ, musicians and the MC that shouts her voice hoarse as you sip on your gin and juice. If you think it is too much money to pay for the above, that is why you were not there and did not see what I saw. Mama nyabo! In photography, most appreciate the subject when it is under natural light.

And that, my friend, is the difference between seeing that kyana’s neon thighs under Panamera’s lights and seeing the real thing live on a Sunday afternoon. The sun was out so, they got out their open backs, shorts and all those sexy, revealing outfits. I saw one whose goodies were shaking so much and I have no doubt there was nothing underneath those cotton African-print pants to hold things together. She was quite a sight to behold!

I can’t start describing to you one by one, but it was like letting a kid loose in a candy shop. Brothers were spoilt for choice. My boys were dumbstruck. We found solace in the beers and called it a day.

My heart bled for the married men, especially those who had turned up with their better halves. I looked at one guy, lost in thought. He must have been writing a script of his version of Why Did I Get Married? Whoever said the beautiful ones are not yet born has not been to Uganda. The beautiful ones are here.

When they die, they will possibly come back as Kenyans in their next lives so that our neighbours can stop ranking so high when it comes to countries with the ugliest human beings. A recent report ranked Kenyans as the ugliest in Africa. Maybe it is because the beautiful Kenyans are in Uganda so they were counted as Ugandans in the ‘beauty census.’

Either way, it feels good to beat our neighbours at something nice. So, if you are looking to check out Kampala’s hottest birds, do not confine yourself only to night events. I will miss any daytime gigs if I cannot help it.

To the married men, take heart. Feast with your eyes. Some of the birds are not wife material. I mean, who reveals the rest of their body and covers the eyes with sunglasses? It is like insisting on a mosquito net and ending up having unprotected sex with a total stranger.

Source : The Observer