Last year, Uganda’s Ethics and Integrity minister, the Reverend Fr Simon Peter Lokodo, successfully led the passing of the Anti-pornography Act, widely (but wrongly) understood as the anti-miniskirt law.
The criticism he suffered from various women activist groups aside, the former priest is distressed that even MPs that passed the law are breaking it by dressing “poorly”.
Lokodo’s worst experience was last week when Usuk MP Proscovia Alengot walked into Parliament in a teasing knee-high dress.
The minister angrily confronted one of the world’s youngest MPs, and asked why she was dressed poorly.
He made as if to arrest Alengot, who sprang through the electronic barriers at Parliament’s main entrance.
“Now you can’t arrest me!” she said – like a teenage girl mocking an unwanted, older suitor after outpacing him.
She literally told him to try his luck some other day because she was now safely in the precincts of Parliament from where she enjoys the immunity from being arrested.
Fr Lokodo walked away a sad man. But watching the drama from a vintage point, Wolokoso was left with no doubt as to what he way muttering: “I will get you”!
MAYIGA’S ‘WRONG’ SHOE CHOICE
Not many things bring more peace of mind than choosing the right attire for the right occasion. During prayers for the late Supreme Mufti Zubair Kayongo on Friday, Buganda katikkiro (prime minister) Charles Peter Mayiga was overheard wishing he had put on a different pair of shoes.
It started when Kayongo’s body arrived at Kibuli mosque. President Museveni, Mayiga and a few other dignitaries and family members went inside the mosque to pay their last respects. As is religious custom, they had to leave their shoes outside the mosque, and, as they walked out, they had to put them on again.
Now, President Museveni being the fountain of power, had two soldiers on each leg, ensuring that his military-style boots were properly fitted. As the soldiers were lacing the ‘First Shoes’, Museveni engaged katikkiro Mayiga in an animated conversation punctuated with polite smiles.
As soon as the soldiers were done, the president walked away and that is when the katikkiro moved to put on his shoes. But unlike his bigger ‘friend’, the bodyguard was nowhere to help with lacing the shoes. Mayiga had to do it himself.
“Oh, I should have put on a pair of shoes without laces if I had known that I would have to remove them,” Wolokoso overheard the katikkiro as he talked with a journalist.
Well, prime minister, all is well that ends well!
MP GUDOI ON ‘FUNNY’ BANK
At the start of every Parliament, banks raid Parliament to sell loans to new MPs. Who would blame them? The best thing to happen to a bank is to get a Ugandan who is assured of a fat and regular income – whether he does his work (well) or not.
Although Wolokoso believes it to be a matter of sheer coincidence, banks employ the most gorgeous salesgirls to sweet-talk male MPs into taking sugar-plated loans at honey-coated terms.
But as it has been said before, the matchmaker is rarely present when the going in a relationship gets tough. When MPs fail to pay, the sweet girls are not there to renegotiate terms. Instead, banks send in ruthless bailiffs and debt collectors to make the MPs to pay. And this is what annoyed Bungoko North MP Yahaya Gudoi!
“Banks are funny, when they want to lend you money, they send you very beautiful girls but when you fail to pay, they send you men with gloomy faces,” Gudoi was overheard telling his colleagues at Parliament.
Well, Honourable Gudoi, if it looks too cute to be true, it probably is (too good to be real).
KADAGA GIVES GOATS TO BUSOGA MINISTERS
When three ministers from Busoga met at Speaker Rebecca Kadaga’s hotel in Kamuli last week, their main intention was to deliberate on the economic problems that have bedeviled the sub-region for long, and find solutions to them.
Our snoops told us that Kadaga figured that the ministers Daudi Migereko, Asuman Kiyingi and Rukia Nakadama, could not preach the anti-poverty gospel if they themselves are not liberated economically. So, she gave a goat to each of them as “entandikwa.”
From the pictures, they all seemed pleased to receive the goats. Yet the happiest, though, appeared to be Kiyingi, who is said to be at loggerheads with Kadaga. He took many photos with the goat before thanking Kadaga for the gesture.
MINISTER MATEKE IS “NOT NEW” TO HOUSE
The state minister for regional cooperation, Dr Philemon Mateke, is arguably one of the oldest ministers in Uganda’s history, having served in the Obote II government, when he was not entirely young. Because many people were shocked by his return to cabinet last month, many MPs, particularly the young ones, doubt whether Mateke “still has it”.
But he has now weighed in to politely tell MPs they have to work with him. It all started when Mateke kept quiet during a session of the committee on Foreign Affairs, despite the fact that he had accompanied his counterpart Okello Oryem (State for foreign affairs] to defend their budget request for the fiscal year 201516 last week.
At the end, Dr Sam Okuonzi, the committee chairperson, invited the ‘new’ minister to at least greet members, instead of going away without uttering a single word in the committee. Although he admitted his silence, he could not agree with the chairperson’s assertion that he was new in Parliament.
“Honourable members, you should know that I am not new in this House I was an MP here in 1987, but you don’t feel me,” Mateke said. “You should know that I am your minister. We have to work hand in hand I want you to be available for me, I will be available for you… ”
And Wolokoso will be there to bring you the proceedings – and these side shows!
SSEKANDI ‘FORGETS’ HIS CONSTITUENCY
It could have been excitement. It could have been a normal lapse in memory. Or it could have been that vice-president Edward Kiwanuka Ssekandi has become a victim of his government’s penchant for creating constituencies and districts – you can be forgiven for forgetting their names.
Whatever it was, guests at Kabaka Mutebi’s 60th birthday celebrations last week left with the impression that the big man is not sure of the name of the constituency he represents in parliament.
Others suggested that he might have let the cat out of the bag: that a new constituency is about to be created. Speaking in place of President Museveni, Ssekandi had to say a few words before reading the bigger man’s speech.
He chose to thank his home boy katikkiro Charles Peter Mayiga for his ettoffaali drive that led to the completion of Masengere building. He pointed out that Mayiga hails from his (Ssekandi’s) constituency, and (for avoidance of doubt), he proceeded to name the constituency.
Yet for a while, he seemed to be struggling to remember his constituency’s name, before he said “Masaka Central”.
According to the parliamentary directory, Ssekandi is the MP for Bukoto Central.
Source : The Observer