To go out with her?

My wife wants to go out with me, even when I’m with the boys (friends and colleagues) Andrew H.
Dear Andrew, your wife’s behaviour seems to be bothering you. Andrew, do you think your wife is concerned about going out or she is trying to communicate something else? May be she is uncomfortable with the company of your friends. Many times she may fear that you will be influenced negatively. However, your wife seems to be looking for more attention from you. When people get married their friendships may change due to a number of factors such as decrease in time and shift in priorities, increase in responsibilities. You need to consider what the priority is in your life now that you are married. Hopefully your wife takes priority.

And if she does then this does not mean that your friends are not important? No! Your friends are important but they do not have to take precedence over your wife’s needs. You need to balance between your wife and your friends. There is no one-size fits all and this means you will need to find a balance for a particular moment in time. It also means taking your marriage into account and considering what is possible or impossible at any one time. You should not set priorities at the cost of your marriage. Talk to your wife and express your views about your friends and see how best you can create time for your friends without jeopardising your marriage. No matter how close we are to our spouses we often desire to have a kinship outside the marriage relationship. Friendships provide support and make us well-rounded people. Supportive friends understand that your best friend is, and should be, your spouse.

Please note that some friends may stay, others may move on. Maintaining good friendships takes time and effort. Friendships provide unique characteristics that are beneficial to our self-esteem, but finding a balance is important so that we don’t compromise our relationship. Plan get-togethers that involve your spouse or children. Whether it is a close friend or a family member, set limits and expectations of the commitment toward your friendship. Let your friends know that you value your friendship with them and that you care about them but you have a family to take care of. You need to nurture the friendship with your spouse and also ably develop or maintain friendship with others. So the key issue is balance so that your marriage relationship is not compromised.
Uncle Joe Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist.

SOURCE: Daily Monitor


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