Tissa’s World – Should He Get a Second Chance Once He Cheats?

Everyone tells you to walk straight away. In some cases, your heartaches and indecisiveness dominate every moment. In others, it is not a thinking point and you kick them to the curb immediately.

So, although I have a no-forgiveness policy because frankly, I do not want to age or lose sleep over whether he is doing it again, I do have much compassion for all you ladies because matters of the heart are not as black and white as some deem them to be.

Some argue that if a man cheats before a big event, be that moving in together, getting married or proposing, it could possibly be a reaction to his fear of losing freedom.

You could possibly focus upon the fact that he has committed to you and seems to have slipped up, especially if he is still serious about committing to you.

Then there is the ‘I was drunk” situation. This is particularly common among men in their early twenties. What this reasoning translates to is: “It was just alcohol. And so, it was not emotional” perhaps he will grow out of this. However, the thing to ask him is how many drunken escapades will result in this and are you willing to be losing sleep worried every time he is out drinking with his buddies?

A lot of women say that if the man confesses straight away, then kudos to him especially if he says he regrets it. Give him some brownie points and take it into consideration when deciding whether to stay or leave. If he is being this honest, then he probably does not want to lose you.

There are then those situations where I suggest you NEVER give him a second chance do not even consider it! First, is the “It was an accident” excuse to which a character in some American comedy said: “Oh so did your tongue slip into her mouth by accident?”

Let’s get this over with ladies. An accident is the lamest excuse there is if he has no better explanation, then there will be many, many accidents ahead. So, fasten your seatbelt or get out of the car.

Secondly, if he does it with an ex, there is unfinished business there and three is a crowd, get yourself out. If he has done this before, then no more chances you can forgive once but a second time, accept that cheating is part of his personality and it is not your job to change it.

Most importantly if it was an affair not a one-off, if there were text messages, weekends away, phone calls, i.e.- if this was not a one-night stand or a kiss with a stranger in the club, then this man surely does not deserve you.

Also, if this man does not have any trace of regret on him, then tell him to go rot you deserve some respect!

Whatever your situation and the choice you have to make, put yourself first. Whether it happens in the early stages of a relationship or you have been married ten years and he is cheating, nothing is more important than your well-being.

Source : The Observer

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The Disability Law and Rights Centre (DLRC), School of Law, Makerere University with support from
The Disability Law and Rights Centre (DLRC), School of Law, Makerere University with support from

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