Every time one woman approaches a sister to reveal plans pointed to getting a maid at home, it is this notion they are usually served with, “Do not get a maid, not when you have a man.”
It is a line that attracts a bit of laughter because often it comes in the light of sarcasm.
But when the laughter has elapsed and attention turned to the grain of truth that lies therein, many women are quick to realise that the line is indeed a piece of aice. It is caution that highlights how far south things may turn when a house with a man gets a maid.
Stories have for long been told of rock-solid unions that were shattered into pieces after a maid came into the picture. Often this arises when the woman of the house gets wind of the bitter fact that her trusted husband has been secretly involved in a fling with the maid.
But in some worse cases, maids have actually worked their way up the ranks to turn into wives after uprooting the woman of the house. And it is for such reasons and more that some people have come to loath maids.
Some men have found themselves as targets of the modern
devious maid. James Beddo, 29, shares his experience.
The temptation and dilemma
“They say maids who desire their male bosses are mostly younger. My second maid was somewhat older but targeted me.”
She would give him all signals often complimenting him and quipping about the sexiness he exudes in certain shirts. “I’m free-spirited. I think she got the impression I perhaps liked her. When we were the only people in the sitting room, she would sit with me on the sofa.”
At this point, Beddo contemplated sharing the issue with his wife, but later decided against it. He instead resorted to distancing himself from the maid.
He started demanding that his wife takes care of his business, especially serving his meals and ironing his clothes. “I sidelined her and she did not stay long. She left for a visit to her village and never returned. I think boycotting her services worked.”
For Edrine Kawuki, a trader however, the issue of aancing maids has not really been a problem because he never talks to them. “It is when you keep talking to these young girls that ideas start fogging over their heads. I once had a maid who I would say was trying to ‘trap’ me. She never got anywhere though because all we would exchange were greetings.” But isn’t this inhumane treatment of workers?
According to Kawuki, “Maids should be treated the right way but not engaging in aimless banter with them. They can talk to my wife and the children, not me. Trust me, no maid will make aances if you never share so much with them.”
These are perhaps the cases where men have pushed away aancing maids. However there is a common perception that men can’t desist from such
Can a man resist aances?
In the wake of such temptation, a lot of men have found themselves succumb to the maid’s charms. Moses Egesa, 34, admits that it takes a strong man to push aside an aancing maid.
“Honest men will own up that when a maid is coming right at you, there is not much you can do to resist. Somehow, you will find yourself committing the sin,” he says. Paul Mukisa, 29, agrees with Egesa saying, the moment a maid is after you and she is the beautiful, young and sexy type, she will “steal” you!
Polly Nuwagaba, a counsellor at Family 101 Uganda is quick to pass off such school of thought as misguided. “A maid cannot ‘steal’ a man, unless the man in question is willing.” A man in control can avoid getting into such a situation with the maid.
How to steer clear
According to Polly Nuwagaba, a counsellor at Family 101, steering clear of the maid’s sexual aances should start from the approach which shapes her thoughts.
“Sometimes men give girls the impression that they are interested in more than the job she does thus she comes up with funny ideas. Granted maids are human and should be treated well, but in your effort to treat her like family do not cross the line. It begins from how you communicate. Why should you refer to the maid as ‘honey’ when your wife is away?” Nuwagaba asks.
Also, men who hug maids give them the wrong impression. The moment one starts acting too casual with the maid, he opens room for such aances. Ensure to conduct yourself appropriately in the presence of the maid.
Nuwagaba aises men not to let maids act disrespectfully. The first time she comes out of her room to clean the house dressed inappropriately, talk down that kind of dress-code.
“Most men do not want to confront the maid themselves but send their wives to tell the maids to change their dress-code. This may create a problem. The maid will even think the wife is jealous and that since the man has not complained, he enjoys watching her stroll around almost half-naked.
That is how she starts making aances.” Nuwagaba points out. Streamline expectations. “Tell her what will do for your home and what will not—especially the kind of dress-code, the way you should be addressed and the distance and privacy that should be maintained. If in some cases you think she is over-stepping boundaries such as cleaning the bedroom with you in, then you could put that part of the house out of bounds for her. If at any point you feel the maid is trying to make sexual aances on you, replace them.”
SOURCE: Daily Monitor