This may be coming too little too late for some marriages, but for those in courtship or still celebrating one-digit anniversaries, the worst thing you can do for your spouse is to start himher on a trend you don’t plan to sustain. Be it sexual or otherwise.
Be you, or as they say these days, do you let them take it or leave it from the word go.
It is better to improve on things from your low point up, instead of setting off on an artificial high – mbu “hit the road running” – but then gradually transition into the true, shockingly less-desirable you. No one wants a mufere. In fact, be so consistent that even if faking it is the path you have chosen, then fake it all the way.
During courtship, if you are not overly domesticated, madam, throw your cards on the table at the beginning and say where you can compromise and what will be a no-no.
Instead, you see girls attack their boyfriends’ bachelor pads like super robots, cleaning, cooking and scrubbing on all fours, between steamy bouts of sex.
The day the wedding band sits nicely on her ring finger, however, she locks the pans and brushes away and meets any mentions of domesticity with an angry scowl.
“When we were dating, she had a key to my place and she would surprise me by even sometimes soaking my dry-clean-only clothes in Omo, but I still found her domesticity cute!” Ben (not real name) who went ahead and married this picture of marital bliss, said.
But three years since their marriage, he does not remember the last time she cooked or cleaned, not to mention make love with him as enthusiastically as she did during the “auditions”.
Well, many may rush and tell Ben where to get off (“gundi, you should have bought a rice cooker and washing machine instead!”) but truth is, even in theatre, the real deal needs to be better than the auditions. Don’t start things you don’t plan to sustain. Don’t pretend to understand and even like his taking you to his kiduuka for date night, if you are really high-maintenance.
Some men pamper their girlfriends during courtship – one even bought her two cakes and two flower bouquets for the same birthday celebration – but then proceed to be the meanest ogres that never remember an anniversary, the moment the ‘I dos’ are exchanged.
Nothing breeds resentment in marriage like that feeling of, “OMG, I was conned!”
Even when it comes to sex and intimacy, be careful what you get your spouse hooked onto. There had better be a steady supply of the same.
If you have positioned yourself in the beginning as an insatiable little tigress in bed who has no qualms about sex every night, turning around and suddenly rebranding as a sex-once-a-month package will have angry sirens going off in your spouse’s head.
“Our sex life is so healthy the way it is. Right from the beginning, we have always gone for quality and not quantity. We plan for the sex, sometimes for even two weeks, and when we get down to execution, we find that we can go several days on that same fuel,” Lucia (not real name) challenged a ssenga at a recent bridal shower, who was urging the bride-to-be to make herself available for making love every night.
Lucia is lucky she did not let her husband have any illusions that she could be “that Eveready chick”. But when she turns up for some loving, she turns up lock, stock and barrel, and her husband is content with that. Reportedly.
The actioncut phase where you are both trying to impress each other has its fun moments, until you are required to stay in character and sustain what you lovingly got your spouse addicted to.
Source : The Observer