She seems undecided about us

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I met my girlfriend at campus three years ago. I was in my third year and she was in her second year. After a few months, I told her that I wanted her for a serious relationship leading to marriage, but instead she told me that she had a boyfriend. I could not let her go like that because I loved her with all my heart and soul. We remained friends, though I always insisted on pursuing her, but she did not want to hear that. Sometimes we hanged out together, and she even visits me at home. I call her more than she calls me. She has never asked me for money, I willingly give it to her. Five months back, I decided never to call her or receive any of her calls but after two months, she started calling me endlessly. She seems undecided yet I feel that I should marry in the next two years. I have not bothered to go for other women, but I love her and feel like she is the only woman for me. Please aise me.
– Anonymous

Your solutions

The last time I heard about the solution to such a problem was from #PopeJohnPaul2 who said that stupidity is also a gift from God, but one must not misuse it. Personally, I don’t think a real man with a 100 per cent functioning brain can waste time thinking about a woman who has made him her second option as if that woman is the last born of all girls in the world. And her calling you means that things are not working out well with her boy friend, so for the time being you can be with her then at her own time if she sorts out their issues, she will leave you to continue dreaming.

My dear, you are the only one who knows the answer. You are blinded by love, which is okay. Put that aside first and think about your future, then think about whether this girl is worth fighting for how has she made your life any better since you met her?

No one can decide for your heart. If you really need her, sit with her and talk about it. If she sticks to what she told you the first time, let it go and please try to make your heart happy instead of making other people’s hearts happy and mind you, you will never force love because it is an emotional thing. If things don’t work out, it is not the end of the world, though it hurts.

Mr Anonymous, you are on a spring balance and she is currently weighing your strength compared to others. It isn’t safe to keep all your eggs in one basket, leave room for disappointment.

Marry her, but be ready to be mentally, physically, psychologically and financially tortured all your life. You are not her dream husband, so think like a man if you want a better life in future, fall for a woman who loves you more than you love her, you will live the best and happiest life on earth.

Sometimes men too do not know what they want. First of all it is very normal for a man to call a woman more than she does. Then when women ask for money, you say they are detoothers, and when they don’t, you complain. Men sometimes make statements that they fail to stick to. ‘I love you’, and ‘I want to marry you’ are just statements that any liar can use to get a woman’s excitement. Men are usually unsure of what they want. If you really love her as you claim, why did you cut off communication? I believe in communication and once you tell someone that you love her, then take months minus communication, what is that supposed to mean? Women are more than men but you do not expect women to run desperately after you, not sometimes.

Even when you marry her she will still be confused.

Banange! I feel like this girl has got a misunderstanding with the man she loves and now she is calling you to occupy the gap. The reality is, she does not love you, but she wants to use you as an alternative because you showed her that you were dying for her. Leave her, you will get someone made for you. Give it time, no need to rush.
She misses her friend. You were friendzoned a long time ago, dude!

Do not call her often, mind less, don’t ever tell her “I love you”, just be organised and talk developmental issues. She will one day ask you herself if you love her. And when she does, don’t say yes, just look direct in her eyes and kiss her, your deal will be done.

Bro, try to be patient as you finish up with your studies. God may have planned and prepared some body else for you. Don’t force her because you may be struggling for nothing. God be with you brother.

That is how serious relationships leading to marriage begin. She is just not an easy goer, actually count it a done deal, start preparing yourself for marriage. You do not even need to give her money any more. She does not want to hear you say ‘I love you’ but wants to hear ‘When should I meet your parents for the introduction and give away arrangements?’

That is the same challenge I am now facing because I also met a girl at campus this year. I love her and I went ahead to announce to her that she is so special in my life but she told me she got engaged somewhere to another man, but my heart is still disturbing me.

If she told you she has a boyfriend, then why kill yourself? Make things clear and move on.

One point of aice for you friend, read hard and pass your exams. I have been in a similar situation before. What I did was to move on, but one thing is certain, you love her, so let that come later, when a woman knows you love her, she takes you to be stupid, please understand and carry on, if she is so lucky to find you on the way, you can reunite, but for now move on and do not look back.

Just give it time because you may even take her and she becomes a very big problem to you. She is only interested in money.

Man, do you want to throw yourself down a storeyed building like that man who was disappointed by a woman for marriage? Is that the only girl in the world? Forget about her.

Please speak to her, let her be open to you about her feelings. She might only be running to you each time they have issues with the other partner, and making you a stress relief. Talk and if her reply is negative, please open your heart, for there are better women out there who will not stress you and will love and cherish you.

Counsellor’s take Hope Nankunda Mwesigye, Healing Talk Counselling Services

Dear Anonymous, it is important to note that when girls are at university, most of them have different relationships and for different reasons. I cannot, therefore, tell for what reason she had a relationship with you, and yet she told you that she had a boyfriend. What is clear though is that while it was you chasing after her during the time that you were interested in having a serious relationship, and treating her like a good friend and giving her money whenever you felt like doing so, now it is the other way round. She took you for granted and that was not good at all. My aice to you is that you should accept that she does not love you at all, something she never did in the first place. The reason she must be calling you now and again is because she no longer receives the money you used to give her. It is the only reason she is chasing after you now. Therefore please try to give yourself a chance to fall in love again with someone who will value you for who you really are. At the right time, the right person will appear. Please do not hurt yourself anymore, getting back into a relationship with her, will not be worth it.

Compiled by Roland D. Nasasira

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I am 20 years old and I had a lover who I abandoned after learning that he smokes and drinks. The way he smoked and drank like he was dying the next day bothered me so much and I could not take it anymore. My problem right now is that he sends me messages, saying he is going to post nude pictures of me on social media, but I am sure that I did not take any pictures with him. He, however, insists on scaring me about it, and I am now worried. What should I do?

SOURCE: Daily Monitor

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