Dear Heart to Heart, I have been with my girlfriend for six months. We are both 27 years old and working. Recently, however, I decided to start up a business for her so that she can stop being employed, but she turned down my offer, saying she wanted an introduction first, as well as complete some things at their home. I went on and started the business, but put a boy in charge. Before long, she had also started her business. I got concerned and wondered if she really loved me. Aise me, otherwise I am leaving her for others.
In life, everyone makes their own choices. She wants an introduction ceremony, and you wanted a business. The time you have spent with her is too little to know her real intentions in marriage. Go ahead with your plans as you watch her moves and intentions. Her actions are an eye opener for you to understand the person you intend to commit the rest of your life to.
Why make her leave her job? You are just being selfish. You want her to be under you for the rest of her life. Let her do something for herself.
Do your business and let her do hers, at the end of the day you are both working for your wellbeing, unless you have another problem.
You sought her opinion first before your offer, but you went ahead to start the business even when she said no. You are pressing hard, rejecting her input because you have another option, so she also chose to push ahead by herself.
Which business did you start? Maybe the kind of business you suggested did not impress her.
You cannot find another girl just because of that. I don’t think you really love that woman. Remember everyone wants respect, that’s why she is demanding that. Make her happy, she will make you happy.
She is self reliant. But if you want a crook who will drain you pakalast, then go ahead and find another girl.
Mark you, there are many out there who are yearning for her type.
Six months and you want her to leave her job? You need to go slow. She’s right to seek your long term plans by demanding for your commitment through an introduction. So, first show her love then business will follow.
Don’t leave her as she is proving to you how hardworking she is. She is not an enemy of progress and she will boost your development as a family.
It is too early for you to do all that you intend to do, as well as fulfil her demands. Since she was able to open up her business without your notice, it proves that she has some money, so request her to release some for the introduction ceremony, because it is the route cause of all that confusion in your relationship.
You lost me at “Recently, however, I decided to start up a business for her so that she can stop being employed”. What is that? I think she should leave you because men with that kind of thinking just lag women behind. Not developmental at all.
The problem is that you men are very difficult people to deal with. A man can open for you something to do, and incase you happen to buy something for yourself, he will say you are spending his money. When you get your own money, you are cheating, when you ask for money from him, he will say he has just used the money.
You shouldn’t quit your relationship because it indicates that your girlfriend is a hardworking person, meaning that you are a lucky man and you can talk to her if possible. You can combine your business for more profit.
Like she said, give her time to sort out a few issues, you never know you could be one of them. I mean at 27 both of you are mature enough, so may be one of you is not looking at marriage as a priority as per now. I would aise you to concentrate on your business and if she is yours, she will be back.
Dear son, I believe your relationship is very young and you still need to understand each other’s traits. Unfortunately, you have not told us whether there are issues you agreed on before you started dating. If you had promised to introduce her, it could be the reason she is insisting on having the introduction first. Because of the excitement, she may have told her parents about it.
You should know that some women believe the introduction or wedding are the only symbols that show she is in a serious relationship. I think it is better you sit down and rectify issues that are puzzling your relationship. I am sure she has a reason she refused your business before you introduce her. Starting up her own business does not mean she no longer loves you. But she may have done it to show that she is not after money, but securing the relationship first.
She could have painful experiences from a previous relationship that made her lose trust in men. So, talk to her, she may tell you why she is doing all this.
But, be calculative weigh the merits and demerits of spending on an introduction when you don’t have a steady income. The introduction would only benefit your parents. Don’t abruptly quit the relationship. This is something you can resolve as a couple. You can also visit counsellors for guidance.
Maxe N Mugisha, Uganda Counsellor’s Association
Compiled by Joseph Kato
SOURCE: Daily Monitor