One wife’s distress over her husband demanding for oral sex when every fibre in her being hated it, ended when a church counsellor she confided in aised her to ask her husband to show her how it is done, by demonstrating on her.
Upon hearing this, hubby-dearest’s brow furrowed his eyes bulged with incredulity and wifey says the suggestion almost earned her a slap. Yet there he had been, demanding for months that she performs fellatio on him and even threatened to take a “cooperative mistress”, when push came to shove.
Well, that settled the issue. He realised they had been cut from the same cloth, indeed. Now, for many, many couples, making love is incomplete until oral sex has been thrown into the picture, but there are just as many that gag at the mere thought of kissing their spouses anywhere away from the cheek. Respect that, if your spouse is that way, or be ready to only demand for what you can accommodate and reciprocate, if necessary.
There are even more wives who demand for oral sex from their husbands, but retch at the thought of returning the treat. If you cannot give something, don’t insist on having it. That’s selfish and a recipe for eventual resentment.
In fact, that story reminds me of my Muslim friend who also counsels married women, and she recently mentioned bow perplexing it is, that most of the wives who come for help want to know what to do about their husbands who want to try anal – yes, anal – sex. That, before they know what is happening, mister pretends to have lost his way and begs to continue going down that path built to deliver goods and services, but not take any in!
I am going to aise my counsellor friend to take a leaf from her counterpart tell the wives to challenge their husbands to flip onto their stomachs and have a sex toy – dildo or something – shoved up their rectums before they can continue the negotiations… most of them will run for the hills.
Some fantasies are rosy only when you are the sole beneficiary try reciprocating that love, and it is not as funny or sexy. There are spouses who practise domineering sex without asking their other half if they really want to “play”, and end up simply torturing them in bed.
In the same breath, don’t demand submission from your wife – quoting all scripture and hadiths – if you cannot give her love, and vice versa. One always activates the other. In case you were wondering how to show your wife you love her, I read it somewhere: “Men show their feelings through chivalry and romance sex is not how a man expresses love – it is how he receives it”.
This, in fact, must explain the argument that men can have “meaningless” sex without getting emotions involved, yet women are not wired that way.
In other words, don’t just insist on your wife being at your beck and call even when it comes to mind-blowing sex, if you don’t believe in chivalry – basically taking charge, protecting her, providing for her, making her feel special through small gestures and respecting her. You don’t sow beans and come back expecting to harvest pine trees.
And the opposite is true. A wife that demands chivalry and romance from her husband without her doing her part is lining herself up for eventual heartbreak. No one gives and gives, without any signs of gratitude.
One husband has tried this chivalry thing for a long time and recently showed me some text messages from his wife, and how she receives his romantic gestures: with complaints, insults, unfair comparisons, but never even a “thank you”. People do get tired.
You could be the cause of the sex drought or lousy sex you constantly bemoan in your marriage.
Source : The Observer