I hear many husbands complain that their wives are “mukono-gaamu” when it comes to sex.
That it is easier to squeeze water out of a stone, than have Maama-Boy jump willingly into the sack with her husband. And then the other day, a crazy-looking wife was featured on Bukedde TV’s Agataliiko Nfuufu (where else!) after cutting off her husband’s penis in a rage fuelled by two months of no traffic in her marital bed.
I wonder if anything ever saddens men the way seeing another man sans genitals does! In the news clip, the men surrounding their colleague could as well have been standing around a dead body. Hmm. It’s just a penis, guys! Uh-oh, bad joke.
On a more serious note, though, have you ever stopped to wonder why you are not getting any action lately? Before you dive for your husband’s privates with a meat cleaver, are you sure he is just being mean and you are not plain repulsive on an honest note?
I like watching Oprah’s All Stars on one of the TV channels, which brings to a live audience a panel consisting shrink Dr Phil McGraw, physician Dr Oz Mehmet and economist Suze Orman.
In the last one I watched, Dr Phil’s final word as the panel signed out was: “Don’t be a jerk all day and switch the charm on at the bedroom door.”
And that there is the missing link to most marriages’ puzzles, especially when it comes to sex. One wife, to demonstrate what a douschebag her husband was to her most of the time (he is otherwise the perfect gentleman when addressing other people), called him in my presence and put him on speakerphone.
The name-calling, derogatory innuendo and outright insults to his wife left my hair standing on end and his wife in tears.
“How am I even supposed to sleep willingly with that, Carol?” she said after hanging up.
Don’t read your spouse the riot act for not being sexually available, when you are honestly not desirable. A young husband is currently going through the paces of a divorce, because his wife’s mood swings and quarrelsomeness scared him off.
“I can be having a good day and see her walk into the room and I start to practically tremble. I am naturally not a confrontational person, but I cannot bring myself to love her the way she wants me to, when I am scared of her!” he said, although she never gets physical with her abuse. Nonetheless, he has walked out of their sexless marriage, and she does not understand why!
At the height of the turmoil, she threatened him with an affair for she was “thirsty”, and “I gave her my heartfelt consent to go ahead. That’s when I knew this was no longer a marriage”.
You cannot spend the day disrespecting your spouse and then in the next breath demand for the most intimate of gifts in a marriage. As reward for what?
Making love should not come as a loathsome burden to one of the parties in the marriage. It should be two-way traffic and genuinely enjoyable for both of you. A husband staggers in drunk, abusive and promptly passes out, when his wife has spent the day preening and preparing for some good, good loving.
Then on the day she genuinely cannot get it on, thanks to biology or an illness, he walks in sharp and alert, demanding to be “served”, or else… ! And then runs to his wife’s ssenga the following morning, crying foul.
Keep in mind that while they say sex starts in the head, it also starts hours before your face-to-face meeting. Be nice. Be courteous, Be thoughtful. Be respectful. Be generous, and try your hand at the romantic too!
Source : The Observer