Sex Talk – Pamper Your Body First

I was listening to a Luganda radio station recently, and one of the male presenters made a joke out of how much one’s wife can decide to stink like a dead rat, while at the same time complaining about “Taata Boy” not being intimate with her anymore.

The radio presenter may have cleverly slotted that in as a joke – I don’t know if it was meant for the madam in his home – but hygiene is a serious yoke around many marriages’ sex lives. The reason your spouse does not want to make love to you as often as you would like, may not be because you don’t bring your A-game check more along the lines of himher needing a gas mask before they can unleash that A-game from you!

After Sunday service recently, one church administrator stood up and briefly counselled about the hygiene issue and how much it is wrecking marriages.

“Before you even think of seeking counselling because your spouse is not as receptive of you as before, check that you use the bathroom amenities and toiletries properly, please,” he ventured uncomfortably.

You should know how uncomfortable it can be coddling and tickling a baby who still smells of last dinner’s fish. The same applies to a married person who never bothers with cleaning properly after being fed on “good things” to their satisfaction on evenings past.

Now with taxi seats so tightly set together, letting a disembarking “satisfied but dirty” spouse to squeeze past can leave one gagging.

Sometimes, it is not that your spouse does not want you they just don’t know how to navigate your uncared-for body. There is the common joke about this talkative, quarrelsome wife who visits a witch-doctor for a remedy for her crumbling marriage, and the witch-doctor, after listening to her chatter like a sewing machine for a while, gives her a small stick to stick under her tongue, telling her it is the lucky “charm” she should put under her tongue whenever in her husband’s presence.

The wife goes home and every time she opens her mouth to be her nagging, quarrelsome self, the discomfort from the stick makes it impossible and she talks less. Noticing the welcome change, her husband sticks around the home more and their marriage eventually heals.

Similarly, all that some marriages need from sex therapists is a pack of shavers, deodorant and a “remedy” that requires one to apply twice daily, strictly after a thorough bath. And all will be solved. Some women take the tales of a vagina being self-cleansing too literally, neglecting all the douching lessons our mothers and ssengas gave us as young girls.

As a sexually-active wife, you simply have to occasionally douche – giving your Missy a thorough dusting and cleaning after all that she goes through. Heck, even the ears are self-cleansing of the wax build-up, according to scientists. Man, imagine what that mess would look like if no one bothered cleaning beyond their earlobes! Just clean up well, already your sex life will also enjoy a general cleaning as a result.

Familiarity breeds contempt, indeed. Married people reserve their worst habits for their spouses, strangely. It is into his wife’s bed that a husband will crawl after a second day without a shower, and still expect to be given some “sugar”.

It is before her husband that a wife will unleash breast-milk-stained dresses and tattered, foul-smelling underwear, and then pull out the pretty panties for a visit to the doctor (“In case he decides on giving me an injection, you know!”) Always ensure you look and smell sexy, or – at the least – basically clean.

Don’t drop the hygiene ball you will be left holding the sexless can. If your spouse is coming up with all kinds of excuses not to amorously wrap himselfherself around you, first check that your magnetic field is right and you are not a repellent, going by body hygiene.

Source : The Observer

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