The average wife still loves a good gift. Yeah surprise!
If only you did not stop coming up with intimate gifts the day she accepted your marriage proposal, your sex life would be in a much better place today. When a man is wooing a woman, he goes all out on her birthday, the anniversary of the day they met (oh yes!), Independence day, graduation day, Valentine’s day… any milestone that avails a chance for him to turn up at her doorstep with flowers and an intimate gift he hopes will finally unlock her “Sesame”.
But strangely, after she whispers that “I do” in church, it activates the worst form of amnesia! Doctors should do research into this strange condition. Suddenly, the intimate gifting that used to come in form of apples, chocolates, lingerie, jewellery, even cars, stops. And if you cared to notice, usually so does the great sex between the two of you. Does that make your wife a prostitute of sorts?
Nope. It is just how the average woman is wired. We expect the men in our lives to show their love for us by being generous to us and ‘ours’, as well as being protectors. I could be wrong but, trust me, I have sat in my fair share of women’s intimate circles, and the feeling is universal.
Nothing screams “Open Sesame!” louder than a generous heart. That is why most times, when a girl sets out to detooth a man with intentions to leave him with nothing in return, if she does not get out of that arrangement fast enough, it almost always backfires, as she ends up the detoothed one.
There is even a 2012 research by British and Dutch scientists that suggests, attractive women naturally trigger generosity in men, even when they are strangers. When you stop being generous to your wife, could it be that you have allowed her attractiveness to fade in your eyes? That you are taking her for granted?
Other respectable researches have also found that women find kindness and generosity in a man sexy. So, get treatment for your amnesia and be the generous guy you used to be during courtship. She does not necessarily want you to buy her a Jeep Wrangler just small things to make her know you still think about her a lot.
But what happens instead is, where the lingerie used to be, now you arrive home with a beautifully- wrapped food flask… for her to conveniently pack your lunch in. Where the necklaces and flowers reigned during courtship, now you buy the children Bata shoes and present them as her wedding anniversary present. If you remember at all, that is.
Don’t take her for granted. Yes, I know a couple where her intimate wedding anniversary gift once was him tiling the entire house, and she was so moved she shed a happy tear, because she had been asking him to do it for ages. So, true, for a wife like her, jewellery would not have done the trick so, depending on the dynamics of your marriage, choose your gifts carefully.
I know men too like thoughtful gifts, but the truth is, most do not attach as much sentimentality to gifts from their spouses, the way wives do. A friend of mine refuses to give away a suit her now-husband bought her almost a decade ago. Never mind that it no longer fits it holds special memories of the night he gave it to her.
On the other hand, another friend travelled to the USA and bought her husband a swanky Nokia phone and expensive shoes. He thanked her profusely, but a week later his brother came to visit them wearing the shoes and the husband soon exchanged the Nokia for his preference – a Samsung! No woman does that. We are wired differently.
Reactivate sex in your marriage by being thoughtful you will not hear about the “not in the mood” excuses.
Send her flowers at work. Take her away for a holiday you can afford. For once forget cutlery and crockery and buy her something that is not for the entire family even a piece of roast chicken. They say, a generous man out of bed is also generous in bed, which is possibly why even stingy men are naturally programmed to pretend to be generous when in the company of a girl they fancy.
Some wives are sexually stingy because they married stingy men. If you want positive change in your bed, you will do something about your generosity or lack of it. If you don’t want change, you can go ahead and philosophise about “all women are prostitutes, because you see, you are indirectly paying your wife for sex, bla bla bla…” People are tired. Just so you know.
Source : The Observer