Sex Talk – Leave a Lot Behind, in Order to Live a Little

When I was 27 and my best friend was 31, she constantly referred to herself as “we the aged people”.

So much that with time, I dreaded turning 30. I was convinced, I would surely have developed a stoop by then.And indeed, my 30th birthday – hmm, recently, by the way, to settle those calculating wheels in your head now (cough-wink-wink) – was also my most miserable. I just felt so old.

It did not help matters that a 25-year-old friend had sent me a cheeky birthday card expressing her sympathy upon my old age, and that I had caught the first grey hair trespassing on my scalp at 29. I wanted to just curl up and sleep for a long time. It was the first time I finally understood why women – and increasingly men, these days – lie about their ages.

But then the stoop did not come instead, many wondrous things were popping left, right and centre and at 31, I commanded my best friend – by then lamenting the “we the aged people” more than ever, to stop referring to herself as old, lest she ran out of vocabulary by the time she clocked 70.

When you always feel older than your age, you also never act your age. Even sexually. I have heard about my fair share of couples who do not do anything aenturous when it comes to lovemaking, because “ebyo bya baana bato (that stuff is for the younger ones)”.

Well, nothing about sex was intended for baana bato, trust me. God designed it for grown-up, married folks like you so, stop with self-denigration and live and let live.

Many women spend their twenties bemoaning their lost sweet teenage years their thirties marvelling at how young they actually looked in their twenties their forties dreading the fifties. Before they know it, menopause or even sadly, widowhood is upon them the challenges of having sex at all, let alone enjoying it are now real and then it finally hits them: “how I wasted those good years!”

Right now a sex ban sounds like the most effective punishment for that ‘uncooperative’ husband of yours. Coming up with excuse after excuse as to why you don’t care if there is sex or no sex in your marriage is easy now. Looking in the mirror and almost weeping at your juicy love handles and scattered stretch marks is a regular pastime for you and you cannot help but hide that body from your husband in every possible way – including never making love outside the cloak of darkness.

Well, a time is around the corner when the sex ban will have no consequence for sure when sex and companionship will be top of your wish list, but circumstances dictated otherwise when gravity extends its ‘generosity’ to those love handles and you start gazing at pictures of yourself from the ‘juicy love handles’ era, longingly.

Don’t waste time on things you cannot change. We are all beautifully and uniquely made, and usually the things you fuss about are not viewed the same way by your spouse. Journalist and author of Stand By Your Manhood, Peter Lloyd, was quoted as saying: “As the life expectancy goes up, the mean age for ‘youth’ increases.”

So, while in the past a wife at 40 was all but resigned to a sexless, lonely future as her husband frolicked with ‘young blood’, these days 40 really is the new 20. Enjoy your marriage make the sex amazing by being there physically and mentally.

Great sex is said by some psychologists to contribute up to 70 per cent to a marriage’s success. And in most cases, the other components that make up the other 30 per cent also depend on the smoothrunning of the sex in that marriage, in order to function perfectly.

So, get busy stop bemoaning nature.

Source : The Observer

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