Decades ago, Ugandan men with pot bellies not only believed it was a sign of affluence, but also that their kwashiorkor-suffering children simply shared g genes from daddy.
About the same time, many Ugandan wives were convinced that if their husbands did not beat them up regularly, then they did not love them. Many of these misconceptions have since changed men watch their developing potbellies with as much horror as women view their love handles.
But there is one misconception that refuses to go away: that a decent woman should not have any libido to write home about. That all she was installed with was enough sensation to switch on and off as needed by her husband. And therein lies most of the marital headaches.
Look, when they say more than 70 per cent of sexually active women the world over have never experienced an orgasm – that is, achieved the ultimate joy or ecstasy the average man receives every time he makes love – it does not mean that these women necessarily don’t love sex. It may simply mean they are stuck with husbands who believe they are incapable of high libidos that as long as her spouse is not in the mood, she too must not be in the mood.
In fact, some wives have shared before that they never initiate sex, because when they do, their husbands give them ‘the look’, and soon they hear about their ‘unladylike ways’ from a concerned mother-in-law or even a complained-to pastor!
I know my fair share of husbands who may live in the 21st century, but swear by cultures and beliefs from decades – even centuries – ago. Why else would a man with multiple wives convince himself that all those women will be waiting for his ‘mister’ and nothing else but his ‘mister’ to complete the rounds and only come alive when it is their turn?
Don’t simply keep marrying a new wife while leaving the old brooms to gather dust in the corner. Soon or later, someone notices their still-capable bristles and puts them to good use. Look at the scandal that rocked the Swazi king’s marriage a few years ago with one of his wives (I have since lost count how may he has) and a minister in his cabinet…
Don’t you know any couples where the husband walks out on his marriage for months, but then is extremely insulted and enraged to hear that his neglected wife has moved on into the warm arms of someone else? Watch Agataliiko Nfuufu.
One husband even told his young, beautiful, but estranged, wife that she could keep their newly-constructed house and stay there with their three children, because the marriage would not work and he was seeing someone else already.
When the wife’s negotiating team agreed to his terms but also asked for his consent for their young daughter to see other people too, he was livid. He vowed to burn the house down should he ever see another man with his wife. So… she was expected to bear the cross of a failed marriage with lifetime celibacy, while he frolicked with spring chicken elsewhere.
I can almost see many men nod in their comrade’s support, but it will help for you to take that as the ideal. The reality is different. That wife you neglect and disrespect sexually and could surprise you unpleasantly. Sometimes, it takes a colleague at work pushing a button you never noticed on her before, and she will be lost to you forever.
They say, women look for a reason to have sex (even extra-marital sex) while men look for a place. By sticking rigidly to the belief that your wife responds to no one else but you sexually and therefore you can ration her joy as you please, you are setting yourself up for some serious trouble.
If your culture subscribes to polygamy, then pluck your head out of the sand and make sure the rations are fair, lest one of them feels the need for ‘food supplements’. That is reality, man. The Baganda say, atalina maanyi tagwa ddalu.
It is not necessarily true that finally after a year away sowing those oats, you will come back and dust off the cobwebs and reignite the embers from where you left off. Hmmm… don’t cry if there are no cobwebs at all!
I am not condoning infidelity just don’t subject your wife to bad or no sex 247, when you can do something about it. No one wants to hear that distant trumpeting of approaching pink elephants, only for the sound to die out suddenly without her seeing them!
Oh, hell hath no furylike a woman left high and dry. Man up, already.
Source : The Observer