What happened to making preparations? Fine, in the early years of your marriage, sex probably came as easily as breathing.
Your young bride only had to look at you with those glassy eyes of hers, and that was enough to get you dashing for the bedroom like someone had lit a fire to your backside. But as stressful jobs, children, and familiarity happen to the average marriage, it is inevitable that you may find yourselves needing more planning and preparation for great sex. Where that does not happen, memorable lovemaking slowly sneaks out of the marriage.
Just because ten years down the road it is not as spontaneous as it used to be, does not mean you have lost the spark in your marriage and sex life it is only a call for you to evolve with the times. From just a smile sending the blood rushing from your head to lower-lying areas, now you will find that you require more: a wardrobe change here, a romantic date night there a thoughtful gift here, an amazing meal there.
Don’t simply run to your buddies bemoaning the death of all the pink elephants in your park. The pink ones are still there, all right they just need more exquisite execution and elaborate invitations. Because some marriages started off with so much chemistry that no aphrodisiacs – eaten or otherwise – were needed, some couples fail to release that lock when times dictate change.
Don’t walk in from work and expect your wife to still take one look at you and start panting in anticipation. Where just your presence was enough before, you will find that carrying flowers, taking her to a romantic place, or pleasantly surprising her will get her in the mood.
In fact, psychologist and sex therapist Tracy Cox in one of her books aises couples to make a timetable for the sex, after a certain point. Yes, spontaneity is so sexy, but let us be real every single time you make love to your spouse cannot be spontaneous, especially if we are talking about regular lovemaking here. For once-a-year encounters, yes, it can always be spontaneous, but otherwise, as you plan your week and day, don’t forget to pencil in the “sugar”.
That way, you plan and make yourselves ready by dressing sexy, thinking sexy and talking sexy, to get your brain on board too – especially for wives, who cannot just switch the libido on and off, like most men. By now you surely realise that your wife needs more time than you do, to get into the mood, which is why when you ambush her sometimes, the easy way out is with “I have a headache”, or “My period has started”. You did not get her brain and heart on board, first.
Spend the day calling and texting each other flirtatiously, just so you are on the same page. There are many couples that never communicate on phone, unless there is a problem, business deal or message to deliver from a third party. But just the way you communicate on phone, email or social media during the day can have your spouse anticipating showing you the herds of pink, beribboned elephants they just discovered.
The culture of never discussing sex – not even with a spouse – in this country is sucking marriages dry. People would rather just do it. Even badly. And because of that, they soon get on their spouses’ last nerve and soon it is back to “My period… “, “My mood… “, “Stress… “, “A headache… ”
Set the mood by ribbing each other about what it is you intend to do, how, where and when. Be playful and use role-playing sometimes, because you have had time to think and plan. Don’t be like a military commander issuing boot camp orders but, rather, like the intimate friend you are to your spouse.
And when that slot on the timetable comes, be sure to have worked out your foreplay moves, and final delivery, to make your spouse eagerly highlight the next slot on the timetable. All spontaneity in-between can be a welcome surprise. Otherwise, plan.
Source : The Observer