Some things are cool, even sexy, but if they don’t quite cut it in your spouse’s eyes, then that is where the word compromise comes in.
You cannot force concepts or your description of sexy on someone else and vice versa. We are different, that is what makes us special. And in marriage, sometimes it is these small variations in character that produce the hottest and brightest fireworks in the bedroom.
Recently, one devoted wife left my eyebrows raised in wonderment. I know her for loving Tommy Hilfiger’s Tommy Girl perfume like crazy, yet when a bottle was thoughtfully delivered to her a few days ago, she declined it, because her husband not only detests the scent, he also gets a bad allergy reaction to all perfumes. So, she does not wear any.
For someone who cannot leave the house without spraying some concoction or the other on to my wrists, I found hers to be the biggest sacrifice of them all. What is more common is for a husband or wife to refuse to let the spouse to cramp his or her style. So they stubbornly continue with their preferences or trending fads, even if great sex is the sacrifice they have to place at that altar.
One couple – now divorced – fought over the most unusual of things: thongs. Not that they are the reason they divorced they were just the symptom of a more deep-seated ailment. It was the year g-strings or thongs became the in-thing when it came to women’s underwear.
Many women pounded Kampala’s hot streets with those contraptions sawing into their backsides like razorblades. Just like the peep-toe heels when they came into vogue, I just never understood the necessity of all that discomfort for the sake of appearing “sexy”.
Anyway, the wife in question loved this underwear fashion. Her husband could not stand it. Every time he ‘unwrapped’ the goodies and found her in a thong, anger replaced everything else and many matches in their bedroom aborted because of the thong-thang.
He voiced his preference – nice bikinis – she told him not to cramp her style. He took her on date nights and as the night would flow smoothly into the right direction, she would bend over to retrieve something from the floor and the naughty string would wave at him over her jeans waistband. And what started out as a perfect night would end in another argument.
Maybe the thong was her way of ensuring he did not bother her with the sex…her way of saying “I’m not in the mood”? There are wives whose libidos are close to non-existent and so they deliberately sabotage the sex and throw blockades in the path of the pink elephants. How else would you explain refusing to compromise on the things you know don’t turn your spouse on, however crazy you may be about them?
She does not like your cologne? Find another. She thinks this goatee you are lately growing looks ridiculous on you? Shave the thing off who else are you trying to impress, then?
One husband knows his wife loves him groomed, with a capital G. If he could wear a three-piece suit 247, he would make her the happiest woman on earth. And when he pulls the grooming off, the rewards have often come in the form of a tigress in bed, because then, his wife can hardly keep her hands to herself. But then, he is the casual type.
In fact on one of her birthdays, he surprised her at work with flowers, chocolate, lingerie, the works. Only one small detail was amiss: he was wearing niigiina – yeah, those horrible plastic sandals – and a shabby, hanging shirt with oversized trousers.
“What a spoiler! Everything crumbled at that sight. Moreover at my office. It ruined my birthday,” she recalled. And poor man must have wondered where the usually excitable tigress he anticipated later that night had disappeared to.
Compromise usually means bending over backwards for harmony’s sake. You gain some, you lose some. Don’t let your habits be set in stone you can change. You can talk less, you can talk more. You can let a bandwagon roll by without you jumping on it.
It will pay dividends in ways others don’t comprehend.
Source : The Observer