Paradox of quality time with the children

I am what you would term as a tough mummy. I have minimal appreciation or tolerance for non serious issues and that is putting it lightly. I believe in discipline and I cherish taking personal responsibility.

I can be fun and funny, I can be very understanding but black is black and blue is blue. I’m not worn over by tantrums and I believe in loving the child deeply enough to actually spank them. I have a green stick which speaks a crisp clear language that both my children fully understand.

I don’t often use it but when the circumstances necessitate it’s use, I surely use it and firmly too. I insist on certain basics and minimums. This is a lesson I learnt many years ago, that for whatever I do, I must do it excellently well beyond the customers expectation.

I tend to be uncompromising when it comes to doing a good job.
That is why I have failed to understand why my children get really upset when I’m not around. Frankly speaking I would imagine they would be thrilled. …that cat is away rant which gets the mice to play with glee.

Their opposite reaction seems to consistently throw me off balance. They get so upset when I must be away even to places like the gym. It’s like there’s some magic in my being present. Sometimes they won’t even pay me any attention and yet they still want me to be around.

They shout for glee when I take them to school and are at their best behaviour if I promise to pick them up from school. The interesting thing is when I drop them to school, we must wake very early. Being stuck in long traffic jam is not a my exact piece of cake. When I pick them I prefer to do it early but somehow they play along nicely and excitedly.

Sometimes I feel like I have the most paradoxical children in the whole wide world. And yet in this paradox I’m learning many valuable lessons. I’m learning that to love the children is to be physically present with them. That it’s to set aside time to do normal and ordinary things with them.

That being present helps me pick the finer things and notice things previously unseen like overgrown nails or forgotten dirty ears. Being present allows a child to confide about a bully at school and share how they missed the goal when playing football and how the school team scolded her.

Being present though stressful is actually rewarding for both child and parent.
So these my lifetime bosses dictate yet again how I must run my life and theirs. With their sad or happy faces they set the terms and conditions of my life. They force me to be creative about my time and in the end we are both better parties.

jmabola@yahoo.com

SOURCE: Daily Monitor

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