Some speakers don’t need an introduction they need a conclusion.
They are the reason you should always have a meal before attending a wedding in this country. I recently attended a high-profile wedding and was very optimistic that it was going to be concise in nature. This was because the organising committee and the event planner had accounted for every minute and purposed to end the function within two hours.
Everything was going according to plan until the emcee introduced the priest to bless the food. He began by singing five hymns and three worship songs. He confessed that he was a man of few words. We thought he was going to tell us to bow our heads and pray, but he wasn’t done.
He started to explain his vague relationship to the groom. He claimed he was a maternal cousin to the groom’s mother through her grandfather’s second wife. The man of ‘few words’ had spoken for close to an hour before introducing the people who had come with him.
Meanwhile, the organising committee was coercing the emcee to go and remind the priest that his duty was to pray for the food, not to make speeches. The emcee was hesitant until the pressure mounted. He gathered some courage and walked to whisper their request to him. That was the beginning of disaster. The priest held the emcee’s wrist and introduced him as his nephew. To him, every child he baptises becomes a niece or nephew.
The priest requested every child he had baptised to stand up. Among them was the local area chairman. The priest was excited to see him and passed the microphone over to him to greet the people before he could pray for the food. The chairman began by blowing into the microphone to confirm it was working.
He thanked the priest for giving him the opportunity to address the guests and thanked the government for providing good weather. He urged the newly-wed couple to go and register for a national identity card since they had become one. He introduced his wife after a lengthy speech and passed the microphone over to her to greet the guests. She slapped the microphone three times to also confirm it was working.
She said she was speechless and begged to sing a song, instead. She sang a folk song that excited some of the guests. They joined her and started singing in unison. Meanwhile, the food was going cold since the warmers had run out of gas.
The organising committee members summoned the emcee and instructed him to grab the microphone from her. He walked up to her and politely told her to end her song. She was cooperative and ended by giving the couple a heifer.
That ignited excitement amongst the guests. Her husband quickly grabbed the microphone from her and also announced a calf as his gift before passing the microphone to a chain of folks behind him who also wanted to give cows. By the time the microphone got back to the priest, four hours had sailed by.
Remember, that was just the prayer there were eight more speeches to go. They had to take the food back for warming. The emcee had no option after the ‘prayer’ but to invite the newlyweds to cut the cake. That was at exactly four minutes past midnight.
Source : The Observer