My six-year-old nephew once asked me, “If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?” I didn’t have an immediate answer at the time.
He called me a few days ago and screamed into my phone earpiece, “Uruguay football team striker Luis Suarez isn’t a vegetarian he is a humanitarian.”
I don’t know what was going through Suarez’s mind to bite his opponent. Either he had a dinner date and the referee was delaying him or he didn’t have a heavy enough breakfast before the match. I have always been a big fan of Italian food but Suarez surely took it to another level.
‘Fresh Cuts’ meat company should sign him up as their ambassador. His immense appetite for fresh foods has earned him a four-month ban from football. Doctors have aised him to keep away from red meat because it causes gout.
His mouthful act reminded me of the legendary boxer Mike Tyson who chewed a large chunk off Evander Holyfield’s ear during a fight. Mike Tyson kept raining blows on Evander and felt that he had roasted his ear enough to eat it like muchomo.
Tyson’s appetite was beyond human understanding. I am sure he would willingly buy the controversial pigs that recently invaded the corridors of power. The pigs had already been smeared with curry powder ready to lay down their lives for the legislators.
It was interesting to learn that the pigs couldn’t be paraded in court as exhibits. That is playing around with sauce! Since they could arouse appetites, the parties concerned decided to settle out of court as they shared the evidence on a silver platter.
They opted to sell the pigs and parade the money as exhibits instead. No wonder the people who allegedly carried the pigs to Parliament knew the right animal to use. They attracted instant attention because they are loved and hated in equal measure.
No matter the colour of the pigs or how dirty they are, pork will always be pork to those who love it passionately and a sacrilege to those who hate it. I have seen expectant mothers crave for particular parts of a pig. There is no way that baby can become a vegetarian.
It is alleged that one of the senior officials who loves pork to bits witnessed the suspect pigs running out of the Parliament lobby and shouted: “The pork is running, someone arrest the sauce!”
Source : The Observer