There is a breed of car owner known as ‘First-time car owners’, but I would prefer to call them FTCOs.
Oh how I hate FTCOs! Whenever a friend of mine buys a car for the fist time, I try as much as possible to avoid them until they buy the second one. For some reason, an FTCO will always find a way of inserting his car in a conversation. In the middle of a conversation, he will say, “By the way, do you know that car models like mine are rare to find these days? Oh sorry, back to Arsenal, that Giroud is a fake player.”
They don’t end here while at a function, the MC announces: “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, owner of car number UAV 555G, Prado, please go to the parking lot you have blocked someone.”
Then from nowhere, FTCO will pop up beside the MC.
“Er, excuse me, what number did you just read out?” The MC will reply: “UAV 555G.”
Then FTCO will say: “Oh sorry, not mine. Mine is UAH 234V.”
An FTCO always wants to park near the entrance where he can see his car, and for some reason, they all learn to smoke. Now get this straight, they don’t learn to smoke just because they want to they learn to smoke so that they can always step out for a ‘smoke’, every 30 minutes or so, yet in actual sense they are going to check on their cars.
Even then, they will pray that someone calls them in between the 30 minutes so that they can go out to receive the call, and of course check on the car. At places where drivers are supposed to leave their car keys behind, an FTCO can become irritating. He will play traffic cop with the parking guide.
He will ask him questions like: “Do you have a driving licence? Do you have a class for motorbikes? Can you park in reverse? Make sure you leave enough space for me to pass. Make sure the wheels are not turned,” blah, blah, blah. And when he finally allows the parking guide to sit behind the wheel in order to park, FTCO will now turn into the guide, giving all manners of wrong directions to the parking guide.
An FTCO will never carry all the things he needs from the car in one go never. He will deliberately leave some items in the car for two reasons: one, so that he can have an excuse of going to check on the car. Two, so that he can always have a chance to mention the car in a conversation… “Er, I have one in the car” “I left mine in the car” “I can go to the car and lend you mine.”
And for some reason, an FTCO wants to race with everybody. He won’t think twice before he decides to take on a Mercedes Benz Kompressor in his Premio. Then he will smile and tell you: “I wanted to show that guy that this machine can run,” Eeeh, a Premio against a Mercedes Benz?
How I hate these FTCOs!
Source : The Observer