Dear Heart to Heart, I married my wife without knowing that she had a child. When I began looking for a plot to build, she made me buy a plot and build next to her ex-boyfriend. I later learnt that this man used to visit our home in my absence. I called my in-laws for a meeting on the issue and they accepted that they knew the story, but when I suggested to rent out the home or sell it off, my wife refused. It was also mentioned in the meeting that this man used to pay fees for my wife. I got confused and wonder: Was my suggestion to shift my family wrong? Am I safe to stay in the same environment with this man? What could have been my wife’s reason to bring me closer to this man?
John, your suggestion to move your family is good. Take charge as a man and move your wife away from her ex. The child they had probably still binds them. You might also have to speak to both your wife and the ex to clear things.
She was not finished with the past. Depending on how much you love her, the two of you have to talk about it and come to a braking point. You have a heart to protect. A round table talk is the beginning for a solution. Sorry about that, but you will make it. Just remember to be sure of what you want before you get to the table. You started out just the two of you, so it is only you two who can solve this. In-laws and friends can only aise. Good luck.
Even if you go somewhere else, what will stop that man from meeting your wife? Just accept to share the woman. Or simply tell her to go and be with the ex.
Your life is at stake, better be careful. You may not even have a single child with her, all your so called children could be for that ex-boyfriend. Sell the house and marry another wife because she is shameless.
Mr Man, you are dead meat. Just know that.
Obbo Valerian Nyangedde: Leave that woman, she has never gotten over the fellow and she is dragging you into the mess.
Frank Bugingo: The word ex has been wrongly used, co-husband sounds more realistic.
Bonnie Ogwang: You better act like a man and stop asking questions because soon or later you will lose everything, including her. Don’t let a woman take control of your home, otherwise you will regret later.
Florence Kabajwisa: That is the problem of involving your women in every thing. By the way men, learn that sometimes you need to take decisions as head of a family, but only inform your wife about it because remember most of the women’s decisions have an element of selfishness, so my dear just listen to your heart and follow what it tells you, otherwise that is just the beginning because I can see worse scenarios in the future.
Nambi Robinah: It is obvious she is still into her ex. The girl’s family still likes him, meaning conditions could not allow them to be together. Please think big and let her go before she brings you her ex’s pregnancy.
Bahati Alexi Tumusiime: If you have the land title, just sell off the house and if she refuses to shift with you, then she will sort the issue with the new owner of the house.
Tusiime Lydia Kateeba: You have to make some decisions as a head of the family and if she has no feelings for her ex, why would she refuse to move somewhere else for the safety of your family?
Innocento Dan Jurua: Selling the plot and shifting will mean your wife is gone, because you will have more trouble. She will start cooking excuses mum is sick, I am going to see my child, I am sick, I am going to see my parents, all just so she can go see the ex. The probability of you having a child who is 100 per cent yours is 20100.
Nantambi Angella: Stop feeling insecure. Your wife’s intention was to show her ex that she moved on and she is happy. You should feel bold and confident because he did not manage to do what you are doing for her.
Nweke John Jnr: Hmmm, women are a necessary evil. She is capable of killing you and when she does, she will move into the house with her ex. Sell the house, divorce her and move on with your life.
Kimera Gerald Jericho: That woman is evil, and self-centered. File for divorce and get another place to stay because according to the story, her and the ex-boyfriend might do something to hurt you. Flee for dear life brother… while you still can.
Oliver Fabians: The divorce bill has not been passed yet… so you can actually throw her out.
Principal Gibbs Gidason: Pick your stuff out and sell the house, unless of course if your wife is the owner of the house.
Ricardo John Munyegera: Now, next time do enough research before throwing yourself in a relationship like this. Background check is essential and the longer the courtship the better. You can be sure that man is still having a serious relationship (read sexual relationship) with that woman. If you don’t feel safe, it’s high time you call it quits. But if you feel like you love her and can win her over the man who invested in her, then fight. God bless you.
Andrew Martin Mulekwa: It is clear that she may still be interested in that man since he paid her fees and has a child with him. The only challenge is that your wife is not open. The fact that she hid the info about the child at the beginning and also influenced you to stay near her ex, begs many questions, so you need to be careful with your life.
Bena Nalwanga Nakku, Nnabagereka Development Foundation
Dear John, I think you did not take enough time to study your spouse’s past. I am sure if you had studied her, you would have known what went wrong in her past relationship. Nevertheless, you can still correct the mistakes you made at the start sit with her and ask her what she intended by making you build near her former spouse. I am sure she has a hidden intention which you should find out soon enough.
Ask her if she is still interested in her ex-boyfriend and if she says no, then ask her why he comes to your house in your absence. Also find out what went wrong in the past relationship. Even after she tells her story, go ahead and investigate more to verify the truths.
I do not mean that you should not trust or doubt your wife’s honesty, but her not telling you about the child as well making you stay near her former boyfriend is enough to tell you that there is something not right. If it is true that the ex educated her, it will not be easy for them to stop loving each other completely. This is because she will always feel the guilt of abandoning him.
I second your idea of shifting your family because it is unwise to stay in the same environment with your wife’s ex partner. He could hurt you anytime.
Compiled by Joseph Kato
SOURCE: Daily Monitor