I can’t stop desiring other women

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I am a 42-year-old married man with two children. I love my wife and we spend quality time together whenever possible, but this has not stopped me from admiring other women. Whenever I see a woman irrespective of the place on the streets, at work, social gatherings, church, name it, my first reaction is how it would be great to make love to them. If my wife happens to be around, I try to be more careful, but I have never considered doing anything unbecoming beyond flirting (in her absence). Is this normal? Could I have a hormone imbalance? Why does the sight of a woman generate such interest in me? My wife is equally beautiful. It bothers me.
– Maxiville

Your solutions

Whenever you see any other woman, let your wife come into your imagination. Remember there are men out there admiring your wife as well, so pray to God that you may be strong in knowing that your wife is the best thing you have.
George

Men are polygamous at heart, only that they make a decision not to cheat on their spouses because of the consequences that might follow, such as breaking the marriage, losing your wife and children, spending finances and resources on another woman, rather than building your family.
Josef

Be proud of the mother of your children, beware that she gave in all she had for you, swore that she will stand to watch your hair turn grey by giving birth to your children. Stop that and get focussed because when she understands your ways, you may lose a bird in hand because of 10 in the bush.
Emmanuel

My dear, 98 per cent of men are like that, but realising your weakness is the greatest weapon you have. Appreciate 95 per cent of your wife’s features and you will see no other before you. Thanks for the time you spend with her but multiply it: Read John 16:33, you will overcome. Be blessed.
John

It is normal for a 42-year-old man with two children to be like you because it scientifically means that there is a stage you missed when you were young and you are trying to catch up.
Mary

You are going through a mid-life crisis and it is very normal. You can overcome it provided you do not fall into those temptations.
Phoebe

Don’t you have goals for your marriage? If so, whenever your thoughts wander, get back to your goals, otherwise you are what you think.
Trey

Women are like flowers, very many, beautiful and there to be admired and appreciated. It is okay to admire and feed your soul but just don’t get tempted to touch what is not yours. You may get burnt.
Grace

Everything which isn’t yours, looks good but don’t be like a dog which runs when it sees meat in a mirror.
Simon

It is all about what you choose, otherwise most people go through that, but what sets you apart from them is simply their choice. Brother, you are very normal.
Felix

Every sin starts in the mind. Occupy your mind with something constructive. You need to start walking by faith in God and your wife, not just by sight.
Sunday

Be focused dear, and mostly on your wife. She is a mother to your children, side dishes will break your family, which will mean suffering to the children. Paint a vision of what may happen if your wife gets to know and leaves the children in your hands. No one will be there to care for them like the mother.
Godfrey

Max, you are not alone, most men are like that, but they control their emotions when they get a wife. So appreciate what you have.
Linic

That is an evil spirit that wants to destroy your marriage, so please pray hard and if possible, talk to your wife about that, so as both of you can help calm that devil of admiring other women.
Brenda

Whenever you feel like making love to another woman, just rush home and enjoy time with your wife. You are very normal.
Patricia

You are not normal, you have allowed the jealous devil to substitute your love for your woman with lust for every other woman’s body. However, coming out clean is a sign of hope, your recognition of your mistakes is the beginning of your redemption.
Redeem your soul by visiting the first reasons you chose your wife from the vast and use the gift of the lives she helped bring into this world (your children) as the objective of your focus. Our women are as entertaining as we motivate them to be. Looking elsewhere is inviting strife with seven times force into your lives!
Kim

You are very normal. I was like you but what you have to do is: Before you leave home, make sure you spend some intimate time with your wife, and if the character persists, seek medical help.
Presh

In life one of the biggest obstacles that blinds us is defence mechanism. If you love your wife, you wouldn’t even need help to show or tell you how to treat a woman. Respect her please, just imagine it was you, how would you feel?
Justine

You mean to say, in your mind seeing a woman means having to undress them? Does it mean you always have sex whenever you are with your wife? Repent and visit your senses, otherwise you are doomed!
Moses

Women are the same, apart from their behaviour, so love your wife with one heart, knowing in your mind that she is the most beautiful in the world.
Denis

This guy is a very good man. And he genuinely has a right to be concerned because not every woman should arouse such interest in him. Instead, prescription should be to find a place where he can be helped. Some of the aice given here is warped and unhelpful.
Richard

Lust is eating you up, please ask God to deliver you because you can’t make love to every woman.
Harriet

counsellor’s take

Dear Maxiville, thank you for being open to your problem. What you are going through is normal and other men go through the same. It is very good that you appreciate your wife’s beauty. What increases your thoughts for wanting to make love to other women is the fact that you continue to flirt with them. Although you do not sleep with them, flirting soon grows into a habit which you should outgrow.
What you should do is focus on your wife. When you see other women and feel like flirting with them, call your wife and say whatever you were to say to the other woman. Although the amount of time you spend with your wife is unknown to us, create more time with your wife and family.

With time, you will realise that the more time you spend with your family, the less time you will spend with those women. Instead your time will be spent planning and thinking about your family. Remember you are not the first person to go through this and all you need is self control. The good thing is that you still appreciate your wife, therefore spend more time with her and slowly those thoughts will diminish.

Compiled by Carol Nambowa

SOURCE: Daily Monitor

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