I apologise even when she is wrong

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I have given my lover all that a man can ably give to a woman but she doesn’t care for me at all. She keeps on annoying me when I get pissed, she instead plays the victim and I end up apologising instead. I love her very much. I however do not want to be a slave in this relationship. Please aise me, should I quit the relationship or
hang in and wait for things to change?

– Muzo

Your solutions

Joseph Barasa: That’s the most hurting moment for every man. Once a woman feels more loved than she loves you, it does not end well. Look around for someone who is willing to love you equally and also appreciate the little you give to her.

Isabirye David: That is so sad brother. I also realised that when you over love a woman, she takes you for granted. Give it a break, God will make away for you.

Jolly Hasoho: No matter how much you love her, ignore her completely. She will wake up.

Ariyo Patrick: The next time she annoys you, do not apologise. Wait to calm down and then tell her the truth about your feelings and shut her down so that she does not speak. While doing this, try and control your anger and mean what you are saying. As you conclude, tell her that your love is reducing to zero level because of her character and that you wish she could tell you it is over if she does not love you anymore rather treating you like that. However, tell her that meeting her is the best thing and that you will live to cherish that day. Be prepared for anything after this. If she remains, then set the rules and reclaim your place and responsibility. Good luck.

Gerald Kanyike: That is a self-centered person. By nature you cannot do much to change her personality, she is too old to change. So, you either leave her or learn to live with her as she is.

Paul R. Aruho: Relationships are built on communication. When any of you stops communicating, it will definitely hurt your relationship. Most women think keeping silent on your man is the best solution to your challenges but no. Try to talk to her but you should not sound pleading with her. As you talk, make sure you do not use hurting words.

Bruno Kizito Dont quit the relationship. Simply find two more women what misses in her is in someone else. Do not explain anything to her because you are the man here. Otherwise for now you are not man enough. There are many loving women waiting for you out there.

Cris Arthur Mukiibi: Quit because we men only need care and sex from a woman so if you are not getting that why stay?

Mawejje Tewelijja: That hurts but take time to quit because you will never be happy with such a life.

Micheal Byogaba: Actually, you are the slave in that relationship. Have you ever thought of how happy you would be if you were redirecting all those efforts to someone who loves and respects you the same way?

Ben Kyazanga: I think you are dealing with the consequences that many a ‘Mr. Nice guy’ faces from a woman. From being seen as ‘boring’ to being taken for granted. You see when you are too nice to a woman to the point that it is you who ends up apologising even when she is in the wrong, chances are that she ends up perceiving you as being love sick, desperate and thirsty puppy. Ultimately, she takes you for granted because after all, you will come crawling to her no matter what she does. Talk to her about what she does and the fact that you do not like it. If she doesn’t stop or if you dont see her making any effort to be better, make a drastic decision. If despite all this she still takes you for granted, move on and proudly pat yourself on the back for having survived the ‘wrong woman.’

Kiesha Fla: Talk to her about it. If she doesn’t change, threaten to call it quits and see her reaction, if she does not change run away and leave her.

True Dan: Pretend you do not care any more for about four months and see her reaction. In that time, give her less attention but make sure she does not take your spirit to witches.

John Ssekimpi: Man I think you have to understand that at one time you were alone and you can continue to alive without her. So stop being stupid in your own house and show that you are the man in the house. Show her that you can stay without her and see if she will not change or get another woman.

Dan Kyagonza: During dating and courtship, a woman has more power over the man and often girls use it to do anything they want but in marriage the reverse is true, Just improve your communication, she will change.

Brian J Lutaakome: I think you over love her and hence takes you for granted. Inbox me for my bad boy style such as creating doubt, being unpredictable. Trust me , you will tame her and she will search love you more.

Counsellor says : Hope Nankunda Mwijuka, Healing Talk Counselling Services

Dear Muzo, there are certainthings that we do not do when we are in love. So, whereas you love your girl and give her all the care she deserves, probably, you may not be loved back. Love comes with respect. If you are not respected by someone you love, then it explains the kind of emotions she subjects you to. She could have learnt your character and is now using it to hurt you more. Consider opening up to her and telling her that you are not happy about the way she treats you. Communicate your feelings openly. If her response is negative, then put a break on the relationship, withdraw all the phone calls and the text messages and wait to see her response or how she reacts. If she inquires why you no longer call and text her, then you will know that she is interested in the relationship. If she is not reacting to the issues raised, then know that you are dating a wrong person. It will then be time for you to look for a person who will love you for who you are. It’s just a matter of time. I wish you all the best.

Compiled by Roland D. Nasasira

Next week’s problem

Dear heart to heart, I have been in a relationship with this man and we have a two year-old baby girl. Since I conceived her, we have had a series of issues. We talked about some but others have kept us apart. The current issue we are battling with started in June 2014 when we had a misunderstanding over him cheating on me and he told me to leave his house. At first, I refused but later went to my parents’ home. The next morning he came to my parents, we talked about the issue but I still hurt. I refused to go with him and stayed with my parents. He went on womanising but I kept hoping he would change. In May this year, he came back to me and promised to have an introduction in December. Two months later, he visited, grabbed my phone and saw my messages where I was flirting with some men. He got angry and beat me up. He then called people and cancelled the introduction plans. I need him to believe me that I was only flirting and get back to me. Please aise me.


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