Holding Her May Just Diffuse the Bomb [opinion]

I read somewhere that the reason a man sometimes freezes in emotional situations is because he is trying to figure out the appropriate response: is this the time to be tough and manly or allow raw emotions to shine through?!

Should he be silent and keep listening or does that pause mean she actually wants to hear his opinion? It can be tricky!

I feel for you guys – the pressure of being right. I wonder how come women always have something to say in every situation given sometimes (many times) we get it wrong, but that doesn’t seem to deter us ever. Next rollercoaster moment and we have words. Evidently, you guys have been conditioned differently. So, I am going to share a trade secret and hope the ladies will be thankful for this.

No matter what the crisis is: she is crying and mumbling incoherently angry and aiming furniture at your head silent and uncommunicative (probably planning your funeral) whining and moaning for the umpteenth time about the same horrid boss happy over something you think is absolutely silly… you name it… if you cannot figure out how to navigate the wires to diffuse the bomb, reach for her and hold her. That is the secret: hold her in your arms.

There is little need for words, but if you still must talk, the holding will at least buy you time to sort through the maze in your head.

Documented research exists on the power of the human touch but how many of us read science journals? So, I also do not know the science behind it but all we need to know is that it works. If you are not the hugging type, even simply taking her hand and giving it a light squeeze should work the magic.

Just be careful – you at whose head furniture are flying – if she thinks you are charging for her, she may correct her aim and then you cannot blame me for the bump on your head.

Major disclaimer: This will not work for every situation where you cannot be bothered to find the right words. The question ‘where have you been?!’ at three in the morning cannot be side-stepped with a hug no matter how passionate – unless she discovers you in hospital with a doctor’s report that declares you were indeed in an accident.

Direct questions demand direct answers depending on the tone and mood, you may still get away with the warm hug but only as you form your thoughts.

But in everything else, just hold your woman. The weeping may accelerate for a while but soon enough she will stop. This doesn’t mean the problem is solved. No, the holding will only quiet her so you can have a less emotional (manly?) conversation.

What the touch says is ‘I am here. I care.’ It also says that even though you do not understand or know what we need, you want to share in the pain, anger, joy, whatever.

WARNING: Take care not to cross the line to the place where she screams “Is that what is on your mind at a time like this?!”

Source : The Observer

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