His drinking habit is affecting our intimacy

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I have been married for six years and blessed with two children, a son and a daughter. At the time I married my husband, he used to drink moderately, but he later made friends who drink too much. When he adapted their drinking habits, I complained but he keeps claiming that we need these friends as a family. He has developed a fat belly, which has taken a toll on our sex life as I no longer enjoy intimacy with him because his belly is a barrier. I do not want to cheat on him since our marriage was blessed in church. Please aise because our marital happiness is dying out.
-Melanie

Your solutions

Dear Melanie, I bet your marriage vows (if forgotten) should be pulled off the shelves and revised, especially the “in good and bad times” part. Whereas drinking is a potential marriage wrecker, check yourself and clear out any reasons for his recent behaviour and totally disregard his growing belly. Have a dialogue and tell him how you feel.
Engage one of his most respected friends or relatives and discuss your marital challenge. Good luck.
Joseph

Dear sister, it is you to guide your man on what to do. Encourage him to go to the gym or sauna and please go with him to make sure he does the exercises. Jog with him in the morning and evening to help him reduce the belly. You can prepare for him salads and encourage him to eat them. And having a big belly does not mean one cannot perform bedroom duties. Aenture other possible positions, because sexual satisfaction starts from your brain. If you have a biased mind about his belly, you won’t enjoy intimacy. Do not limit your romance to just the bedroom.
Patricia
Mariah Klein: He should go for counselling because if this continues, I think you will cheat on him eventually.

Luke Sserugo: Workout together because after a series of giving birth, you will get worse than him. Follow your eating habits and reduce fatty foods. Curb his metabolism by giving him fruits.

Victor Grace: Send his other friends who do not drink to try and talk to him about. You can also involve his parents.

Joshua Gheller Mutama: Men are interesting creatures! We like doing things regardless of how it affects others. Find something that irritates or disgusts him and start doing it. When he starts to complain about it, explain to him your side of the story. Maybe somehow it will click… and his brain might finally see the need to stop drinking. Also, if you claim the church blessed your marriage, it is most likely that the church will save it.

Job Okoth: Just find time and discuss this issue with your husband. If the problem persists, involve your best friends and pastor or seek professional counselling. A pot belly should not be a big problem, try out different things in the bedroom.

Ogwal GO Moses: Do not involve third parties, but prepare foods such as fruits, vegetables, as well as jogging.

Kaddu Erimigius: If you love your husband as you said, better introduce new tactics, or find someone to solve your problem.

Didath Dida: So you think cheating is an option? If you mentioned it, then you have probably already done it. Grow up and have a good communication with your husband. This will solve your problem.

Dansoft Mubanda: That problem can easily be solved by doctors. Don’t cheat on your husband.

Edson Bagonza: For better, for worse. It is a good thing you exchanged vows in church and I hope you remember them. If you cannot tame your dog at home, nobody will do it better for you. You who lives with him should put some things into consideration why he suddenly escalated his drinking and why he suddenly got friends who drink a lot. Probably he has issues bothering him and needs someone to talk to, or he just needed to have fun.

Kintu Ivan: Wife, you are the permanent secretary of your home, how did your husband reach that level when you are the closest person he meets on a daily basis? Please style up and feed your husband well.

Daniel Obua: Go ahead and blame it on his friends like women always do, those are his actions so leave his friends out of it. No one ties a rope around his neck and tethers him to a bar chair.

Atim Prossy Olula: Check yourself sister, you might be the problem.

Counsellor says David Kavuma, Adonai Counseling Services

Dear Melanie, communicate to your partner about your discomfort with the fat belly.
Your communication should, however, not be accusatory or attack him but rather show how he would benefit from it.
While speaking to him, ensure that you tell him the risk factors he is likely to face when he has a fat belly. Do not only focus on your sex life but his health as well. I would also not aise you to cheat because your risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases also increases.
Your sex life is equally important but if your focus is only on sex, this may not be strong enough to motivate him to start changing his lifestyle. As you speak to him, let it be like a concern that you think is threatening his life.
It should be a win-win situation whereby him losing weight on his belly would benefit his health and life as well as improve your sex life and satisfaction.
If you want to help your husband change his drinking lifestyle, you should be there for him. You should also be wary about his peers because they will try to pull him back as they may see no problem with him having a fat belly and are not concerned.
Give him all the support and motivate him because his peers will not help him. You are the best person to make him understand why he has to leave his drinking. Change is only possible once you are able to clearly make the person you want to change understand the need for change.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I have been married to the mother of my four-year-old child for five years. In February last year, she left me with the baby and rented another place, citing some bad habits of mine. She vowed never to come back. Her parents said they could not help me since she never went to their house when she left and yet I had paid her dowry. After eight months, I started dating another woman, but my wife came and chased her away, threatening to kill her. She went away after the threat. I apologised and convinced her to come back. Last month she returned to our home, but the problem is that she says she came back for the baby, not me. She does house chores very well, but she does not want us to talk. She is always moody and only happy with the child. She cannot allow me to sleep or sit near her or even touch her. I have not seen signs of her having a lover. Will she change? Problem she hates dialogue with anybody.
-Ivan

SOURCE: Daily Monitor

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