Dear Heart to Heart, I am 27 and working. I have been dating this 35-year-old man for a year and three months now. We are both born again Christians but the problem is that he is talking about marrying me yet I feel I am not yet ready, and besides, he has no job. I have addressed my fears to him but he insists he wants us to get married on my birthday in July. Please aise!
Being with no job does not mean that he will remain jobless in his life. Marry him and work together.
Rose, you are 27 years old and you are not yet ready? If he has the money for your wedding, then I think he can manage a home.
Worldly things will find you in your marriage. The problem is when we keep looking for property and not happiness. Men are many but to find a husband is by God’s grace.
Tell the chap to first get a job. If he is unemployed, how will he support his family? Remember, the Lord helps those who help themselves.
Eyumu Grace Oryokot: Hehe, you are 27 and not yet ready? Okay, wait until you hit menopause, that is when you will open your eyes.
Bonnie Ogwang: You need to understand that it is not the job which is going to marry you, but a human being who knows how to live with a family. If you are not ready for marriage, then leave him instead of wasting his time. At 35, someone is old enough not to waste time.
Julie PN: How can such thoughts of marriage cross the mind of a man who doesn’t work? How is he going to take care of you? Instead of taking care of you it will be the other way round. If you are ready to pay your own bride price and take care of the home, including your husband, continue and marry him. There’s love now, but will you stand it for the next one year after marriage in case he has failed to get a job immediately?
Johns Moses: You are both born again, he has no job, you are working, you are not ready for marriage! God, I don’t understand some women! Anyway, if you love him, you can support him to start a business. You have the power to break or make your man. Stand by him, make the man you want out of him. Having a job is more risky than self employment. Marry your man, support his dreams, stand by him at his worst, don’t be part of his problem, be part of the solution that is love.
Pearl Akello: Eh! What does the Bible say about this? I think it says: build a house, then get a wife. Let him first grow as a man within his means, even a grass-thatched hut will show he is a man. Let him find even the smallest job and provide for you. Don’t make a mistake girl, let him prove he is a man.
Faridah Sulaiman: Since you are a born again, you would have thanked your Lord more, since he does not have a job and you do. I think this is the best time, for you to show him how much you love him. Support him spiritually and financially. Use the little you have and agree to marry him. I think you are not a believer enough, because if you did, you would have believed that your boyfriend will one day have a job. True love makes anything possible.
Julie B Kwagala: Honey, don’t get married to a jobless man. When you get married, that is when problems and chaos will arise. Are you ready to take care of the wedding bills or mugenda sabiriza babasondele? (Will you ask people to contribute?).
Namwaki Anna: Don’t risk unless you are desperate and willing to become the husband. Even the Bible says a man must work hard and be able to provide for his family. A jobless man is very frustrating. But if you see potential of hard work in him, then you can open for him a business and life goes on.
Brian White Nyika: Why did you have to date if you are not ready for marriage? Born again Christians don’t date until they are ready.
Camiyat Favour: He loves you and I think he is scared of losing you. Please understand.
Rashel Mahmud: A job cannot stand in the way of marriage. Believe that he will surely manage to find a job.
Grace Olayinka: Turn to God and he will help you decide on what to do. It is not that you are not ready to marry but his jobless situation is what is giving you concern.
Precious Naturinda: First listen to your heart carefully. If you feel that you cannot live without him, move on and get married to him because being jobless now does not mean he will be in that dilemma forever. Happy marriage in aance.
Menyata Ronaldy: Remember that your heart drives your feelings. Being jobless does not mean marriage cannot stand firm because he loves you. Go ahead and propose to him and start with the little you have, the rest shall follow.
Sewa Bale: Accept my dear, the Lord will provide for you both.
Mutyaba De Katamba: Aise him to first get a job, who will take care of the family?
Alex Ddumba Wasswa: Just imagine if you were jobless and you were still on the streets. He loves you, that is the reason he seeks marriage. Take his hand.
Lubega Simon: And you claim to be a born again Christian? Talk to your pastor for guidance or a family support group at your church, otherwise, if you think at 27 you are still too young to get married, think again, unless of course you are marrying for other reasons unknown to us.
Patrick Kuule: You dated him jobless, so why not marry him? Money is not everything!
Brenda Fase: Please, a jobless man at times is difficult to cater for. Follow your heart but be ready to be a husband instead of a wife.
Rennie Sasha Afidus: My sister, you know life these days, money is scarce not only to those who do not work, but even those who work. Try to reject his suggestion, otherwise you will live in endless suffering.
William Jago: Dear Rose, a man who is broke but with an intent of marriage is perfect. Allow him to lean on you for a while as he struggles to make ends meet.
Counsellor Ali Male of Uganda Counselling Association says
Dear Rose, it is normal to feel confused in relationships but it is important to understand the reasons for your engagement to this man. Look at the positive side of this man. In any case, having no job is something that can be overcome after a certain time and of course, with your help.
Consider things like his character and behaviour because there are no angels out there. A man may lie to you that he is working when he is not. If he has been genuine and truthful to you, try to also help and empower him to find a job instead of just talking about it.
Think about your relationship over this time you have been together.
This man may be committed to marrying you but when you take a lot of time thinking about this, he may develop second thoughts. Take some time to think about your relationship and what plans you have, but do not make him wait for too long.
See through the goals you set for yourself, like having your own house, land, a car and others. You may not have to fulfil everything before you get married but they can be fulfilled as time goes on while you are married.
You should also do a personal psychological reflection about why you feel you are not ready. The fear to get married may be caused by attitude, self-esteem and parenting background. Try speaking to a counsellor as a couple, so he can help you fix your problems.
Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka
SOURCE: Daily Monitor