Giving Cute Ladies Lifts Has Become a Nightmare [column]

There is this joke that has been making rounds on social media.

It is about stress and what a stressful moment can be. Here it goes: “You give a beautiful girl a lift, she faints in your car and you take her to hospital. Now that is stressful. The doctor says she is pregnant and congratulates you that you are going to be a father. You say you are not the father but the girl says you are.

It’s getting stressful. To prove it, a fertility test is ordered. Results return and show that you are infertile. It’s getting extremely stressful but at least you are relieved. On your way home, you remember you have three kids. Now, who the hell is their father? Now that is stress!”

You do not know whether to laugh or cry, not sure if it is a joke or true story, but the situation above has played out all too often that no wonder you will find everyone chorusing ‘what has this world gone to?”

It tackles many issues. Giving cute ladies lifts has become a nightmare for some geezers. You will be lucky when she alights and your loose change or even whole bag is intact, not lifted.

Even luckier is if she does not ask you to stop by a boda boda stage only to scream how you have used her services and are refusing to pay her or claim you want to rape her, leaving you to the wrath of those mob justice lovers. Giving lifts to cute girls? Catch me!

The other issue above is pregnancy. Like day follows night, there are high chances that this follows live sex. So, every time you indulge live, be sure the next talk shall be about ‘I am pregnant’. For a moment, it continues to puzzle why wenches these days fear pregnancy more than HIV or related STIs.

She will be so freaked out by buzzing mosquitos, fix the mosquito net to avert malaria, but willfully allow a bare ride! C’est la vie! But even worse, she is doing this to you and several others, such that when the ‘I am pregnant’ conversation comes up, she has held it with many other geezers. So, you find a pregnant girl with half a dozen guys all moving around with the swagg of ‘its official, I am going to be a dad’.

The show-offs will quickly run to social media to announce their triumphs while the chickens will rush to aunties and pull off a hasty kwanjula. The truth only comes to shot many but one, and usually the less enthusiastic among the bunch. It’s a hard world!

The last issue is almost related to the previous one. It is all about pregnancy and child birth. So, there are geezers in this town who are the embedment of ‘happily married’ have it all going for them capped with pretty cherubs for kids.

They love them to bits and do everything only a dream-daddy can. And then lo and behold, at one point the truth gives way of the three children, only one is biologically yours.

The rest? Ask your wife, dwang! One of the most lucrative businesses in this town is paternity testing. But to engage in this business, you must have the heart of a moneylender or a bailiff those guys will invoice a corpse! That is having a hard heart. But well, isn’t it all that we geezers are left to have if we must survive on this earth? A hard heart it is!

Source : The Observer

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