In fact, one sex therapist went all the way and controversially aised, “Be selfish,” when it comes to making love. Be selfish, not by ignoring your spouse’s needs, but by aggressively reaching for your pleasure too.
His logic is, if you enjoy yourself, you leave your spouse no option but to enjoy too, because under normal circumstances, we are built to draw pleasure from pleasing others. It is the reason many people give to the less-privileged. Seeing that tear of joy is priceless.
Unlike the flipside of the ‘selfishness’ coin, where some do not care if their spouses are having a good time or not, in this case you are reaching for your climax and total enjoyment as a toast to your spouse. And it makes total sense. Many wives spend precious time worrying about their looks, age, stretch marks, weight, the children, the husband, the parents, the boss, name it, to really enjoy themselves sexually.
She spends precious time during sex with her husband interrogating him over past deeds or sexually blackmailing him into doing something, that before she knows it she is part of the statistics on wives who have never had an orgasm. When you don’t enjoy yourself, your spouse also feels inadequate in that oh-so-important department.
I imagine it is why the ssenga always emphasised praise, noisy responses and ‘morale-boosting’ one’s husband in every possible way it makes him feel like James Bond for those few minutes. So much that over the generations, bored wives have learnt to fake their delight and say the right things at the right time, “just to get it over with”.
But by understanding your body better and discovering which positions and activities work best for you, you can genuinely enjoy yourself and, by extension, give your spouse something to look forward to again. This moaning about “moods” and generally making it sound like your husband is overworking and bothering you when he suggests sex, only set the ground for some monotonous, forgettable roll-about.
Show some enthusiasm when you decide to turn up for the match at all. I am not exactly in support of the wife who fakes her orgasm each time, but at least her heart is in the right place she knows her husband’s pleasure depends on her own pleasure, even if it means her going to acting school!
By genuinely learning to enjoy the sex in your marriage, you will not only increase regularity and frequency because the feeling is mutual, but you could also bring excitement back home, which previously had your spouse gazing at side-dishes longingly.
It is not just a wives’ thing, by the way. If anything, many wives are traditionally trained before the wedding to show excitement and pleasure during and after sex, at all costs sadly, it is their husbands, who do not show any indication of enjoyment or gratitude, that fail them in their quest for true ecstasy.
Many husbands take all the praise and compliments during lovemaking like entitled lords, with no reciprocation. Show your appreciation and enjoyment by communicating them too. Don’t wait for a kojja to spell it out.
Tell her how she makes you feel how she is incomparable how much you love her… It makes her go all out to show off and basically be a gymnast or ballerina, if need be. But many husbands just lap in the attention showered on them he is probably too busy imagining himself furnishing that kabaka’s palace she just “donated” to him in sweet tones, to say anything in return.
Look, you could be the reason for the constant “not in the mood” excuses you simply make lovemaking with you hard work!
Loosen up. If she knows you truly enjoy her sexually, it could be the final cue for those elusive pink elephants to dance into the room.
Source : The Observer