Dear Heart to Heart, I am 23 and I was in love with this girl for about one-and-a-half years so much that if I did not see her for a day, I felt incomplete. Our relationship had gotten to a point where I even visited her family. Sad thing is that she is now distancing herself from me, and yet we had made a promise to get married this year. I haven’t seen her since the year begun and when I call her phone, she tells me she is busy. She also claims that her parents never allow her a single minute out of home, so I suggested that we meet on Sundays after church but she said it was impossible. Recently, she called me seeking help with school fees because her father cannot raise the money. I told her to pick the money from my place but she has never appeared. Does she still love me? Please aise. -Benson
Benson, you are only 23, so stop consoling yourself. This girl stopped loving you but because you are blinded by love you cannot see.
Move on and let go, you will find a woman who deserves you. Also, please seek help from a counsellor.
I think you still have a lot more things to do than worrying about a girl who is not adding value to your life. Look, you tried your best to show her how much you care and she is not giving you all the attention that you need. Isn’t that reason enough for you to try something else? Give her time and if she loves you, she will look for you, and if she does not, then let her go. You still have many chances out there instead of stressing yourself with someone who does not value you.
It hurts when you love and care about someone more than they do about you. Even if you marry her, you will still feel incomplete. Just make a decision and let your brain tell your heart that she is gone, and she does not need you anymore. You will get another woman who will love you my dear. Just relax and give yourself time.
Monix Momo: When a woman starts distancing herself, know there is someone else in her life. Move on.
Abong Eva: Try going to her home again since you have met her family. Find out what is really happening.
Nadia Stella: Sometimes our hearts need more time to accept what our minds already know. Make yourself happy, for God has a better plan for you.
Sheba Jason: I will aise you not to continue with this relationship, or else you will get worse than what you have experienced so far.
Ashaba Phiphi: The girl is still young, moreover a student. Let her concentrate on books.
Drake Shedulaka Nsubuga: She may only love you when she is in need of money.
Rebecca James: Try and go to her home and find out the truth, because even that school fees thing may be a lie.
Ocing Godffrey: A school girl is right to distance herself from you, because your intentions may be different and negative, so give her time.
Alimi Brian: Are you in love with her because of her money?
JM Gomez: Hmmm, maybe she is pregnant.
Samuel Kasami: I hear school fees, can’t you be patient until she finishes school?
Fred Gok: Forget about that, and mind your business, she will run to you at the last moment. Don’t show her that you love her, you are still young, brother there is someone better for you somewhere.
Polesta Auma: People date for even three years thinking they will get married, but they end up breaking up, so you still do have a life to live.
Counsel Jannet: You reap what you sow responsible men don’t date students, she has classmates.
Ocen Isaac Crisper: Brother, I aise you to leave the girl, that is love for money. You are still young, you can get a good man.
Abigail Chelangat: Never worry, may be she is not your choice from God. Wait for God’s choice to you. Otherwise, sorry brother, that’s life!
Ali Male, Uganda Counselling Association
Dear Benson, I can understand the pain and confusion you have after a sudden break in your relationship. Such breaks, however, are usually healthy because if your factors were not clear in the beginning, you can consider revising the reasons you fell for this girl. For anyone to fall in love there should be genuine reasons and characters that attract you to the other partner. It should be more than her beauty or the sexual attraction you have for her.
Painful experiences are good because they give us time to reflect on whether we made the best choices. Examine whether you had logical reasons for loving her. Although you visited her parents, there are situations where parents can influence their children to the extent of dictating upon them the type of partners they should have. They may have influenced her to stay away from you. I do not know if you did enough background study about what her culture is.
However, you can use this time to reflect on your relationship and rethink about your motives for loving this girl. Meditate more about what character in her attracted you. You did not tell us how old your girlfriend is but she may not be mature enough to make such a life decision that needs a lot of commitment. Please give her time to study the situation because she may not have known the importance of falling in love and how sensitive it is to abruptly end a relationship with no genuine reason.
SOURCE: Daily Monitor