Distance is a threat

Dear Uncle Joe, after a long search, I got a job in an upcountry station. My husband thinks I should not take the job. What should I do?

Thank you for the question, you sound confused by your husband’s response. Yes, your husband may have a valid reason accompanied with undisclosed fears. Maybe you need to find out why he is responding like that.

He might have fears about your going away to an upcountry station. In some cases, it may be the fear of losing you to someone else or not having you close to meet each other’s needs.

You need to sit down and discuss as a couple weighing the aantages and disaantages of your absence. Encourage him to be sincere during your talk. Find out what his fears are and encourage him to help you agree on how best both of you can maintain your relationship even in view of the distance between you.

You have not told us whether you have any children or if you are a young couple. Well, if you are a young couple and you do not have children, this may pose some challenges. Similarly, when you have young children this can also lead to some challenges as it may be an uphill task for your husband to take care of the children alone.

However, research shows that people have been successful at living in long distance relationships. So they are far more likely to fan the flames of their romances rather than assume they will never work.

Research also shows that long distance relationships report just as much satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment as traditional relationships.

Long distance relationships do not have any greater chance of breaking up than any other relationship. People in long distance relationships do not have more sexual affairs than other couples. It seems that the risk of having an affair is related more to the quality of the relationship between the couple, and the personalities involved, than on mere opportunity.

Couples in long distance relationships may worry much more about affairs than those in geographically close relationships. Make use of modern technology to create intimacy for instance, the phone, email, and others. Write to one another more often. Use reminders of your partner around the house such as photos.

Joseph Musaalo is a counselling psychologist

SOURCE: Daily Monitor

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