City Dude – No Sex Allowed Here!

I have always heard about lodges that do not accept unmarried couples as their guests.

If you arrived in a town and this was the only place you could get accommodation, they would not allow you to check in. Some even ask for marriage certificates to prove that you can legally share the same room. I hope I remember to carry mine the day I decide to ride from Uganda to South Africa.

The last thing I want is failing to get accommodation in Zimbabwe and have to ride all night. The truth is I have never taken this seriously. I am a frequent traveller within Uganda, but these are always solo road trips so, I pay no attention to that regulation. I do not even plan to go against it with some random chick.

So, last weekend I was on a long trip that took me through Gulu to the far end of Moroto. A stopover in Lira district was an eye-opener. I checked into this lodge on one of the busy streets that has Club 247. After a quick shower, I went on the hunt for a warm meal, and later, a cold drink.

The club is the swankiest in Lira, so after eating, I decided to check it out. I was informed at the entrance that access to the VIP section is 5k, while the ‘General happiness’ area was just 3k. I decided to part with 5k and made my way upstairs. Note that everything was made of wood, including the floor.

So, when I saw the VIP belles jumping up and down as DJ Dre mixed the music, I got very worried. But my heart settled when I realised most of them were wearing flat shoes. A six-inch heel would have broken through the wooden floor. I just had one or two drinks (Ok, I don’t really remember) and then returned to my room. Believe it or not, but I retired to my cold bed very alone.

As soon as I had put my heavy head down, I heard a lot of noises. Since I had colleagues in the adjacent rooms, I sprang into action. Swinging my door open, my eyes were met by a gun-wielding night watchman confronting what looked like a guest with a female.

Obviously no one had tried to break into the room otherwise, the gun would have been put to use, so I asked what the problem was. It so happened that the guest returned at 4am after a successful ‘hunt.’ He was all excited about not having to sleep alone on such a cold night. But that was not about to happen, since it is not allowed to have sex of any kind in the hotel’s rooms.

The already ‘excited’ dude could not believe his ears. I tried to convince the askari to let his fellow man enjoy the fruits of his hunt. He said it was impossible because it would mean him losing his job. The company he works for would lose the contract and the dude would be forced to buy a new mattress, sheets and blanket that were in the room where the ‘act’ happened.

It did not matter whether the action was on the bed or not, because you do not have to do it only on the bed. I took a minute to contemplate on the repercussions and realised the few minutes of pleasure were not worth the trouble. So, I wished the brother luck, went back to my room and played some music off my iPod.

Source : The Observer

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