Care for a Bum Surgery Any Time Soon?

Jal Paddy,

Having ‘work done’ on your body, or plastic surgery, as you and I may know it as, is normal stuff in this country.

It is as common and widely accepted as women wearing wigs in Uganda. According to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, there was a whopping 50,122 cosmetic procedures last year alone.

This year’s figures will definitely be higher. And this is not including simple and quicker options like Botox, which sorts out wrinkles and lines with just a few strategic injections on the face. It is so normal that women are having it done over their lunch breaks.

It also seems particular procedures are popular with specific groups of people. The bazungu go for liposuction, which involves filling up the lips to make them look fuller. Go and look at the picture of Angelina Jolie and you will see what I am talking about. Whether she had work done on hers or not, you will have to ask Brad Pitt.

They also love a small nose and tummy tuck-ups. These plastic surgeons can suck out a pot belly and leave you with a six pack. OK, maybe not a six pack, I exaggerate a bit, but from what I have seen on telly, they can level the ‘D’ to a small b.

People of African origin, Afro-Caribbeans and glamour models prefer breast augmentation, (refer to Bad Black on this).

This is simply cutting open the breast from underneath and inserting a special ‘kaveera’ filled with a ‘special’ jelly under there for size, and then repositioning the nipples, I assume. Other procedures such as face and neck lift-ups, fat transfer operations and ear corrections, cut across the board.

Gross, amusing and downright stupid as most of these procedures sound, having ‘work done’ isn’t news in the UK anymore. Anyway, not until this week when a Nigerian-born London kyeyo girl died from a botched-up buttock surgery in Thailand. The 24-year-old Joy Williams died from the procedure meant to increase the size of her bums.

Bum glorification in this country has always been an exclusively kyeyo thing, from African immigrants right across to the Caribbean and South Americans.

And now courtesy of Kim Kardashian and Nicky Minaj, the envy of those in the flat bum department within these communities has shot to surgery levels. This Nigerian girl is the third death victim of bum surgery I have heard of this year, and others will definitely follow.

The outcry in London is more about why a quack was allowed to run a plastic surgery, rather than the fact that a 24-year-old girl felt the need to surgically increase the size of her bums. People as young as 20 are going under the knife to get the perfect magazine bodies and look, without thinking of the risks and the future implications of their actions.

It is said the average surgery patient is somewhere in their mid 30s. This is when the signs of ageing are just beginning, making surgery as good as useless.

And now that cosmetic procedures are becoming more affordable, we could soon be seeing nkuba kyeyos jumping onto the bandwagon in droves. I can only imagine the confusion at the arrivals terminal at Entebbe when aunties and uncles step out of the plane looking more like nieces and nephews.

There goes another part of our normal lives, pervaded yet again by the media celebrity culture.

Your friend,

Chris.

Source : The Observer

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